At 2:13 a.m. the morning of April 13th, Club Fever passed away peacefully after one last night of — totally legal — shenanigans. Known affectionately to her friends as “Feve” for short, Club Fever brought together thousands of God’s chosen children with one noble goal: to get spooooooooky drunk. Club Fever was a place for middle aged townies to prey upon freshman girls, for St. Mary’s girls to hook up with Zahm boys, and most importantly for Notre Dame girls to take the best goddamn bathroom mirror selfies I’VE EVER SEEN, KATIE!
But to truly commemorate a lost Notre Dame icon we must first look to the past. Nine days after arriving at Feve in 1842, Father Edward Sorin wrote in his letter to Father Basile Moreau, “This club will be one of the most powerful means for doing good in this country.” He then added, “P.S. I think we should start distributing $3 Adiós Motherfuckers at Communion instead of the Blood of Christ. Just a thought.”
Father Edward Sorin’s prediction rang true for generations of Fighting Irish. Because of Feve, countless Notre Dame students have been able to experience the thrill of committing Identity Fraud in a virtually risk free environment, teaching them valuable life skills. From countless lifelong friends momentarily made in the Feve girls’ bathroom to a questionably amount of sloppy first kisses happening on the dance floor, Feve. Changed. Lives. Feve moved mountains. Feve threw up on your favorite black bodysuit, but you forgave her. Feve did not deserve to die so young.
Family and friends of Feve are looking to create a roadside memorial for her on the curb in front of her carcass — whether you want to commemorate the one time Snoop Dogg was there or the time you for some reason ordered nachos (because technically Feve did sell food), or the countless nights you stood freezing in line to pay cover to pack into a sweaty ass basement only to avoid eye contact with that one kid you kind of recognize from your floor freshman year, you are encouraged to wear black on this Black Friday in respect for Feve.
Bring your formerly white Adidas Superstars (that are inexplicably purple after your last Feve adventure), the phone number of the last boy you sucked face with, and the Florida fake ID that the Feve bouncers chuckled at. Never forget the beautiful nights at Feve when you were #young #and #wild and #free.
Feve is survived by Reverend John J. Jenkins, The Weekly Feve Queens, the Notre Dame Leprechaun, the Puddle of Piss, Sweat, and Semen that lives on the Feve bathroom floor, and the sad incoming Notre Dame Class of 2022 who will never get to experience a deliciously sticky Thursday night at Feve.
Rest in Peace, Feve. You will be missed.
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