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10 People You’ll Run into if You Go to Palladium

Ugh, eating is such a hassle. You’re tired, you’re wearing your pajamas, and you just want food. You don’t want to talk to any other living soul, you just want to eat. The thought of conversation makes you want to jump off the tenth floor of Bobst. (Except you can’t, because it’s suicide proof). If you go to Palladium for food, you will see someone you know. You’ll probably see every single person you don’t want to see, like:

10.) The sus film guy you hooked up with at a party the first week of school:
This boy is fucking weird. He makes eye contact with you and looks away. Then he makes eye contact with you again and says “hey” with no emotion. He’s wearing sunglasses inside. All he buys is an apple and then he sits at a table, all alone, facing a wall, probably to avoid more eye contact.

9.) That random kid from your high school who doesn’t speak:
You never spoke in high school, and you sure as hell don’t speak now, but you know exactly who each other are. The first time you ran into each other and realized you both went to NYU, neither of you said anything, which set the precedent for the entire year. You make eye contact on accident and look away.

8.) That enthusiastic sorority girl you’re just not friends with anymore:
This one’s bad because she’ll really try to talk to you and you’ll be very much caught off guard. She’ll ask you how you’re doing and what you’ve been up to, which is annoying because what do you even say to that? Like, I’ve been living my life and now I’m buying a smoothie? Tf have you been up to, Rachel?

7.) The cute guy from your class who texts you about the homework sometimes:
He asks if you wrote the essay due tomorrow and in the same moment you remember that there’s an essay due tomorrow. Now you look like a fool, and you have to write an essay. Cool.

6.) The guy who lives on the same floor as you who matched with you on Tinder:
He messaged you “Oh hey it’s you” and you messaged back “haha yeah” and then he asked you what you were up to and you never responded, because like, bad idea. But now every time he sees you, he makes sure to say “hey what’s up.” You always see him when you’re looking your worst and it’s annoying because it makes him think he’s better than you.

5.) The person you’re currently hooking up with:
Goddammit. You’re in your pajamas and you have no makeup on. If you’re lucky, you’ll grab your sushi and get out of there before you have to confront your complex intimacy issues in the fucking dining hall.

4.) That really sweet girl you only ever talk to when you’re both drunk:
You always run into each other drunk and end up revealing your deepest, darkest secrets. You have no idea what her major is, but you know that she’s going through a really bad break up right now and she just wants to have a good time. When you’re sober, you have absolutely nothing to talk about. You’ll probably stand in line together and talk about school or the weather or something.

3.) The roommate of your former hook up:
He just wanted to go to bed, annnnd then he saw your boobs. Not a lot to talk about here.

2.) The girl that now hooks up with the person you used to hook up with:
She wears fishnet tights a lot. She’s probably Instagram famous, and you only know her because you’ve stalked her several times. She’s definitely dressed up to get her sushi in a fur coat or some tacky shit like that.

1.) The person you were literally supposed to eat dinner with tonight:
But you bailed because you wanted to eat alone. There’s no way out of this one.

Honestly, it’s better just to starve than take your chances at Palladium.

 

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