Hello there, internet people and NYU attendees! Below is a list of laws that still technically govern our great city right today in 2017. We want to see someone arrested for these things, so if you see something happening please call the local authorities or perform an immediate citizen’s arrest.
5.) You can’t throw a ball at someone’s head “for fun”:
Have you ever been strolling around WaSquaPa with a coffee in one hand and the ball you purchased to throw at someone’s head for your own amusement in the other? Well those good times are over, as this law has been haunting pranksters and sadists for years now. The world used to be a good place where anywhere you went there was a light fear of being hit by a ball. Now, no one’s ready. For war, or for a few balls in the face.
4.) No carrying ice cream cones in your pocket on Sundays:
This law killed all our dreams. Sunday funday is over, and it’s now the day of pointlessness and misery. The dream of strolling through the park with a hefty cone of mint chocolate chip in your back pocket is dead.
3.) Slippers cannot be worn after 10 p.m.:
This is blasphemy, and the worst thing we have ever read. If we can’t wear our goddamn slippers and our feet can’t be comfortable and warm and basically walking on a cloud, what’s the point of a continued existence?
2.) Fathers cannot call their sons homophobic names:
This law stops fathers from trying to curb “girlish behavior” by calling their sons homophobic names. This is the only one that should stay. NYC has been woke as fuck since the beginning. Thank you, thank you.
1.) Jumping off a building is punishable by death:
Wow, New York. Please, get a sense of goddamn irony. You’re acting like the south or an irrelevant square state. Correct yourself before we correct you. We’re not afraid to jump off of a building if that’s necessary to overturn this!
So good luck, kind people of New York and NYU and try not to get arrested!
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