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5 Reasons It’s Total Bullshit We Don’t Get Jewish Holidays Off

You can’t deny that it’s crossed your mind, and you’ve wondered why we don’t have certain holidays off, like the Jewish ones. Every time a Jewish holiday comes ‘round, it causes a commotion: why the hell doesn’t NYU give us the day off? Think it’s bullshit? The Black Sheep does too.

5.) There are probably more Jewish people at NYU than there are in Israel:
Okay, come on, you can’t dismiss that NYU is SWARMING with Jewish people. It’s pure blasphemy that Andy Hamilton decides to ignore the pleas and groans of the Jewish community through a megaphone from the Bronfman Center. NYU, why you gotta be so rude?

4.) We NEED more Jewish food in the cafeterias:
The stale matzah ball soup served in Kimmel and Weinstein is not the only Jewish delicacy that exists. What about rugelach and babka? The Jewish community hasn’t been represented accurately in our dining halls; its cuisine has not been appreciated enough to be ruined in the same ways as aloo gobi and eggplant parmesan. If we had more Jewish holidays off, maybe the dining halls would try and serve us something that resembles Jewish food, cause you know the dining halls love a good holiday.

3.) Stop torturing fasting Jewish students:
It’s hard enough to go to classes during the week. Like really, don’t we all just want to feel the joy of not having to set alarms at ungodly hours? You know what’s worse than that? Going to classes without food in your stomach for 10-12 hours. Does NYU get some kind of sick pleasure watching students suffer as their stomachs imitate dying whales on Yom Kippur? Just give them the day off! Even better, give us all the day off!

2.) NYU claims to be “global” and “diverse”, but is it reallllly??
Seriously, NYU? Thirteen global sites and claims that you’re the most diverse university in the country, but you can’t even give Jewish holidays off? Really, guys?  Are we really celebrating Rosh Hashanah if it’s done with posters, emails, and a service that hardly captures its true essence? And, sure, you could argue that individual kids can request the day off if they’re celebrating, but how is it fair that we all get Christmas off but the Jewish holidays are individual circumstances? Which leads to…

1.) WE NEED MORE GODDAMN HOLIDAYS:
Honestly, the four points above kind of mean nothing. Our main point is that NYU needs to give us all a break. We need more holidays. We need more time to drink. We need more time to be hungover without having to read 500 pages in a day. We need to live. So just give us the Jewish holidays off, make your clients—errr, students—happier.

So NYU, know that we are still bitter about Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, but we look forward to your observance of coming holidays.

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