We’ve all had our fair share of horrendous group presentations. Here are a few tips on how to get through them with aching upper thighs and a hellish pit of a government:
Sigh loudly when the words “democracy”, “health care”, or “skirt” are mentioned:
Even if these words are said in a context that doesn’t warrant a sigh, your classmates will soon understand that you’re exhausted with the presidency and that the skirt you’re wearing is making your thighs chafe. Once they realize your motivations, they’ll sympathize with your exasperated breaths and excuse your questionable contributions to the presentation.
Stand with your legs reallllllly far apart:
This way, your burning garbage fire thighs won’t rub together. This will also fool people into thinking you’re trying obscenely hard to appear to have a thigh gap to fit into our broken, misogynistic culture.
Make Becky do all the talking:
She didn’t do any of the work and you’re too consumed by your aching thighs and the gaping hole in your chest where your ability to hope used to be. She’s also a gifted speaker and generally better at getting ideas across.
Put political SNL memes between each slide:
Kate McKinnon and Alec Baldwin came on this Earth for a reason, and that reason was for you to make your group presentation political without saying anything other than “dang, how’d these political SNL memes get in there?” With this tactic, no one in this seminar can forget how fucked up our presidency is while you idly stand on the side nursing your burning loins.
Stay at home. You, your thighs, and your sanity are worth it.
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