It’s almost graduation but that doesn’t mean you have to be done with Columbus quite yet. For if you dress correctly for graduation and easily stumble into down High Street after, you’re gonna need some guidance. Here is acceptable attire for under the gown and the dance floor of Bull’s.
5.) The Nostalgic(ly) Short Dress:
You know that one dress you own that was cute before you hit puberty and stopped being a fucking midget? Yeah so wear that. It’ll tell your mom that you’re reliving old times and tell your man that you actually shaved your upper thigh so the only surprise is your foot fetish which he will learn when it’s too late.
4.) Classic Suit and Tie:
Everyone loves a man in a suit and tie and every man loves himself so why wouldn’t this trend work for you? It’s 2017 and we’re basically equals now, right? Why not rock the suit and tie at the club and for graduation? Everyone will know you’re comfy, confident in your conservatively judgmental relatives questioning your sexuality and strong in the battle against butt sweat stains on the seat that comes with dresses. It’s called girl power.
3.) Maxi Dress: Rolled for da Club, Unrolled for Grandma:
Being a conservative hoe has become easy due to the trends we brought back from the 90’s to add our slutty millennial twist to it. Tying a maxi skirt into a mini skirt allows you enough airy room to grind, while still letting him know that you don’t mind unnecessary bulges repetitively hit your thigh.
2.) Catholic School Girl:
We all know that sexualizing high school dress code meant to praise Jesus is acceptable in our society. Why should it be any different at the bars? Put on your high socks, high-waisted skirt and button-down shirt that is unbuttoned just one too many and let your conservative sexual style fly. He’ll see right through your façade once he sees you double fisting Nattys and your inner voice church ladies will feel secure knowing you follow their dress code.
1.) Something Super Inappropriate With a Long Jacket That You Tie Around Your Waist:
We all have our drunk hoe outfits and that’s okay to wear to church if you wear a very, very long jacket that you keep covered up so no one knows what is underneath. It’s mysterious for your church hoes and still allows you to wear a crop top while tying something unnecessary around your waist to seamlessly cover up the love handles from your high waisted jeans.
While all of these tips and tricks can help you with Graduation, we unfortunately cannot solve your right arm pain from jacking him off for 4 straight hours that tends to get in the way of throwing your cap.