Football isn’t the only loss Ohio State students are mourning as they start their second semester. The end of football season usually means the end of block szn too. Instead of finding a more productive way to spend your Saturday morning that doesn’t involve drinking, The Black Sheep found reasons to throw block at the three eligible frats this weekend.
5.) Syllabus week:
The only week that professors seem to lay off on the bullshit is during syllabus week. Your first Saturday back on campus deserves a block to celebrate not doing anything this past week. As it is the middle of winter, stay warm by starting a fire with all of your class material from last semester while you shotgun a Natty Light. We say drink up while you can before your classes start to fuck you more than your girlfriend does[n’t].
4.) Synchronized swimming:
Did you know that last year Ohio State’s synchronized swimming team won the National Championship (their 30th national title)? We think they deserve to be celebrated with ice luges, Four Lokos and douchey frat boys just as much as our football team (who didn’t win the National Championship last year). Their Zero Waste Invitational at home starts at 2 p.m. on Saturday afternoon, so we say bottoms up by 8 a.m.
3.) Important birthdays:
Coincidentally enough, two of the most influential people still living were born on Jan. 13 and they deserve a proper celebration. Shonda Rhimes and Patrick Dempsey told us that they expect nothing less from Ohio State’s finest Greek establishments than shitty beer, drunk hookups and a 24-hour Grey’s Anatomy marathon in honor of their birthdays this Saturday. Don’t have access to an on-call room? That’s OK—you and your frat boy can hook up in his big’s room at the annex. We’re sure they won’t mind.
2.) Ohio State basketball:
In case you didn’t hear, Ohio State beat No. 1 Michigan State this past weekend in basketball. If that isn’t a reason to celebrate, we don’t know what is. The new head coach is obviously doing more than just buying college students Cane’s Chicken, so let’s raise a Natural Light to him and the Frat Gods for providing us with a reason to bring back block this weekend. Ball is life? More like block is life.
We really can’t think of a better reason to throw block than for the sole fact that it’s recruitment time. There is no better test than to see which pledge can shotgun the most beers in five minutes, sleep with the most people in 24 hours, or have the best puke and rally of the day. The pledges of 2018 are the future of block parties and they must be shown the ropes so as to not fuck it up for future Buckeyes.
It’s time to bring back what really matters when you’re a college student: dangerous binge drinking at frat houses on Saturday mornings. To limit our already limited happiness to one sport and one season is a damn shame.
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