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A Judgmental Map of Ohio State University

The OSU Mobile App offers a lot—bus routes and times, street names, and even a GPS available for freshmen pretending to listen to their music… right in front of their face, but the app doesn’t really tell you what you need to know about campus. The Black Sheep has it all mapped out for you—the good, the bad, and the townie epicenters. 

Click da map for a larger version!

 


osu map

 

High Street:
Home to all the drunken late-night stops, High Street is paradise for those ready and willing to take on Type 2 Diabetes and alcoholism. High Street isn’t just home to drunken kids on their walk back from Winks, though. It’s also home to some of the finest homeless people one could come in contact with: newspaper man in front of Starbucks, skirt-wearing star child found near The Newport, and sleeping guy near Bibibop. High Street is where dreams begin and where nights end, thank god for this beautiful STD-filled patch of ground. #SaveToos

15th Ave:
Greek row is great for whenever you want to pick up a used condom from the ground or see some great walk of shames. These girls dress top-of-the-line and not only do they rock the crop top, but they also rock the “I’m not even cold at 8 a.m. in 10 degree weather” face.

Chittenden Ave:
Chitt’s filled with the people that will soon become uncles that make you uncomfortable. You have to pretend you like them because they somehow befriended your acquaintance, but really you just wish they would go back to the branch campus they came from. Chitt people, we get it, you belong in the dumpsters behind Gateway, but stop trying to make “Chitt Fest” happen. It’s not going to happen. Quit giving the campus police reason to pretend they’re sweet for a night, give up, and do what OSU students do best: invading OU a few weekends a year for Fetty Wap and HallOUween. 

SEL:
SEL is home to engineering students, international students, and people in Greek life who go there to casually run into ex hook-ups that “accidentally didn’t get their number” after “accidentally cumming inside of you.” SEL is great if you wanna see some girls making their snap story/ Asians cuddling in the corner. 

Indianola Ave:
Indi is the land of the free. George Washington dreamt of Indi almost as much as he dreamt of kicking Britain’s ass. It’s a connector of off-campus housing and is filled with houses and annexes that always welcome you in for house parties. Indi can take you from north hula-hooping-hippy paradise to south-I-think-I’m-going-to-get-mugged-Hell. God bless you, you parallel High Street.

These maps will soon be available on campus tours, but don’t show the guides—seeing anything that isn’t on some next level happy meds scares them.

 

Keep judging and listen to our podcast! 

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