High Street: at one time a happy, welcoming place where students of all ages were welcome to partake in festivities of all sorts, has now become a dark, scary place that runs the risk of you turning over your precious fake from Illinois because of these damn ID raids at OSU. While some of you will continue to brave the storm in the fight to receive that sweet, sweet forbidden nectar that is a vodka cran you deserve, the rest of us want to save our fake for fall when all of this will be swept under the rug. Here’s a few alternatives to getting schwasty out on a Thursday night, or any day for that matter:
5.) Flicks for Free:
Hey kids! Want a crazy fun night out on the town? Go no further than Ohio State’s very own Ohio Union, and you can watch a movie for FREE, and get some free popcorn. Yum. Word has it you can also get a free can of pop, and you can just pretend that there’s something else mixed in there as well, you know what we mean 😉. This is a clean, safe, non-alcoholic activity, AND you can be back in bed by 9:30! This is a win-win overall.
4.) Karaoke at Woody’s:
Miss doing karaoke at Fourth? No worries. Go to Woody’s Tavern for Karaoke Night to get that out-on-the-town feel, but without any alcohol! There’s even a BAR in Woody’s, so at least you’ll get to smell the wafts of 5% alcohol that only your nostrils can now detect after months and months of…simulation. You can even practice doing karaoke sober, so that in two years when you finally turn 21, you will stun in front of the big kids in the actual bar!!
3.) Soberly hang out at a frat house:
Frat guys are definitely fun to hang out with when they’re sober, right? Right. Just keep telling yourself this. We would have suggested actually drinking at a frat house, but most of them are suspended or have social limitations and aren’t a thing anymore. Maybe at this sober social, you guys can play a nice round of Monopoly, or bong a La Croix or something.
2.) Ride a CABS bus:
Maybe even more than the actual alcohol, what you miss most about going out is all of the strangers you get to grind on in the cesspools that are Bull’s and Midway. Nothing can truly come close to such a miraculous experience of life, but riding a crowded CABS bus definitely comes close. There’s even those poles on the bus you can utilize if you want to get a little freaky and have a better chance of attracting a partner.
1.) Drink in your room/dorm:
Yeah. We know what all of you underage kids are really doing; we disapprove, and you all need Jesus. But hopefully your RAs will understand, let it fly in your time of need, and turn their head the other way just like they usually do.
Youngins: we feel for you, and don’t stop doing you.