Breaking: Ohio State Shower Semenator Caught, Creepy RA Fired
Last week a mysterious note was found in the Smith-Steeb residence hall on Ohio State’s south campus.
The note detailed shower drainage issues found to be — in part — due to a gross, inhuman amount of semen just backing all of that shit up.
The Black Sheep has found the culprit of this semenation, and none of us are surprised to say it’s the creepy RA from the fourth floor.
Yes, the one that gets a little too close to you in the elevator, the one that schedules one-on-one meetings with you every week just before bed time and the one who lingers just a little too long while doing room checks.
This finding makes matching with him on Tinder seem miniscule.
Patrick Myers, the third-year in engineering and member of the frat whose name you always forget because you only went there once for a party freshman year was found Semenating it up late Monday night after watching a re-run of The Voice.
Myers was heard whaling (and coming) all the way from the sixth floor, when residents ran to try to find the “dying llama” they thought they heard.
“I was with my friends listening to Marshmello when all of the sudden this huge beat dropped to unveil this dying animal noise coming from downstairs,” Zach Craig, a second-year in finance said. “We went to go check it out and turns out it was this pasty white dude getting work done in the showers.”
The scene Myers found was a gruesome one that he believes will never leave his mind.
“It looked like this kid dropped a gallon of rotten milk… smelled like it, too,” Myers said.
Those residing in third-floor Smith-Steeb are not surprised to find that their RA is the culprit for the mass amounts of semen ruining their showers.
“His hands are always super pruney,” Jessica Smith, a first-year in psychology said. “Not to mention he smells like jizz 24/7.”
The jizz-smelling, pruney-handed RA was hired on by the University last May due to low numbers of applicants.
The low numbers were due to an increase of residence halls throughout campus, as well as people realizing that when you’re an RA you’re probably only going to be hanging out with dildos.
Myers is said to have gone back home to Cincinnati (home of Skyline Chili) to live with his mother for the rest of the semester.
“You bet your ass he’s going back to Vacation Bible School,” Mrs. Myers said.
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