Giraffe Mom S*** Talks New York Zoo Giraffe for Not Giving Birth Yet

author-pic at Ohio State University  

On March 9th, the infamous internet troll, Giraffe enthusiast, and Myrtle Beach native Erin Dietrich, otherwise known as “Giraffe Mom” gave birth to her first son.

Giraffe Mom acquired her internet popularity by posting a live stream of her strutting around her bedroom in a rubber giraffe mask as a parody of the pregnant giraffe April from the New York Zoo.

“I was sick of that giraffe the first moment I saw the live stream of it,” said Giraffe Mom. “All it’s done for like two f***ing months now is walk around its crate in labor. I knew I could crap my kid out in like half that time.”

 

What was thought to be just a lighthearted jest at April the Giraffe’s delayed birth was actually a something much more personal for Giraffe Mom.

“If some stupid, illiterate, mother f***ing giraffe can get all of that attention on the internet just for being pregnant, why can’t I?” said the new mother.

Giraffe Mom went on to say “If people like giraffes so goddamn much, then I can be a giraffe too. Hell, I could be a better giraffe than any giraffe ever could,” before putting on her rubber giraffe mask and beginning to strut around the hospital room acting like a giraffe as her husband and newborn son looked on in horror.

During the delivery, Giraffe Mom refused to take off her rubber giraffe mask because she wanted “to show everyone that she could pop her kid out better than some f***king moron giraffe could.”

After the successful birth the doctor who oversaw the procedure said that he “had never had a patient be so passionate about wearing a rubber giraffe mask. You would think you would want the first face your baby to see is your own. Not the nightmarish stare of a giraffe.”

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