For first- and second-years who live on North Campus, the Tom W. Davis Clocktower has been the furthest thing away from a beloved campus trademark. Finally, someone is doing something about it.
An unknown repeat offender has been doing all of Ohio State’s student body justice by defacing Tom with drawings of phalluses at the base for the past couple of weeks. This has required black paper bags to be taped over the drawings and professional cleaners to wash the drawings away.
The masked graffiti artist wields high remarks from students who have no choice but to notice the clocktower on a daily basis. One student even held him in comparison with the likes of Superman, Captain America and Picasso.
“He’s honestly my hero,” said Kacey Hall, a first-year Scott Hall resident. “The construction of that tower woke me up every morning before 8 a.m. It blew, and now the clocktower literally blows.”
Students are rejoicing as one penis after another is being drawn on the structure that actually shields a phallic shape itself. Some students, who have now started calling it the “cocktower,” still express their concerns about the amount of money that was put into this project compared to other areas of concern around Ohio State’s campus.
“I think it’s like a big fuck-you to whoever decided a clocktower would be more beneficial to this campus than A/C on South Campus,” said Drew Green, a second-year Blackburn House resident. “I used to live in Baker East and, trust me, we needed air conditioning way more than this part of campus needed a giant penis that tells time.”
Despite the university’s efforts to get rid of the penis drawings, the masked hero has consistently returned to restore them in all of their phallic glory.
Students aren’t surprised, though, saying that they’ve seen many penises in their time at Ohio State as long as there’s a surface to draw one on.
“They’re everywhere. Especially when it snows,” Green said. “If someone finds a big enough space where nothing has been written or drawn, there will definitely be a penis there. It’s become a staple of the college experience.”
Green isn’t wrong. Just last year there was a debate amongst students and university officials about freedom of speech via sticky note penis drawings stuck on dorm windows. Penises, once again for some reason, were threatened to be taken down, as well as students’ first amendment rights.
The university has refused to comment on the matter, which everyone really thinks is great.
“If nobody’s getting in trouble for it, it’s going to keep happening. It’s great, really,” Hall said. “My hope is that somehow this person will find a way to get a giant penis up on the screen. That would really catch some attention.”
Although their identity remains unknown, their legacy will live on at Ohio State for years to come. They hold a special place in the hearts of pissed-off Ohio State students who deserved better than some clocktower.