Ohio State Myths the Mythbusters Should Bust Tonight
As the semester nears its end, you might’ve started having thoughts that every young person thinks about one time or another: “Does God exist?” “What is my purpose in life?” “Are there enough Oval trees to support and sustain the growing population of hammockers?” The tough and mind-boggling questions are out there, and we’re relieved that the Mythbusters are coming just in time to soothe your curious mind. The Black Sheep came up with a few OSU myths that must be busted before you bust your ass for finals.
It is possible to construct a one-family home only using the ‘Do Not Enter’ construction signs on High Street and campus?
As more and more construction signs block your ability to drive absolutely anywhere on campus, and force you to risk your life driving the wrong way on a one-way street, it’s normal to think of alternative possibilities for these frustrating orange and white signs. Why pay rent when you can construct your own dwelling space using fresh wooden signs that could be re-purposed into a small home/shack to call your own? The question is, do you have enough materials that you’re able to steal? We hope so.
The probability of an international student smoking in the alleyway between Scott Labs and that shady-looking building on 19th Avenue and Magruder at any given time is 100%.
Day or night, at any time, there will be an someone (illegally) smoking some ciggies between classes in that alleyway. Without fail. So many questions are going through your mind: do they work in shifts to make sure this alleyway is consistently covered with manpower? How do they get away with it with all the OSU popo on campus, when you yourself get busted for a fake at Bullwinkles? Will they ever get caught? The Mythbusters will probably only need a few secret cameras in the bushes near Scott Labs to crack the case.
Brutus Buckeye hates you.
EVERYBODY (your roommate, your friends, your mom, your aunt Judith, the homeless guy that’s always outside McDonald’s) has had some type of interaction with Brutus except for you. The legendary myth is: is Brutus avoiding you? Does he hate you? Why can’t you get near him to gratify your Internet and attention-controlled self-worth via likes? Hopefully the Mythbusters can get the root of this problem for you so that you can finally get to use your supz cute and not unoriginal at all caption “We’re all nuts!” for Insta.
An average Ohio State student indirectly comes in contact with 3,544 penises after rubbing the bust of Thompson’s head.
This statistic has been going around campus for awhile now, and you may finally be able to boast a better track record than you have previously. The Mythbusters will probably have to do some type of swab test for this, and we’re sure that it will blow everybody’s minds the amount of germs on that head, the exact percentage of dick that’s included in those germs, and how lonely the male student population of OSU really is.
With all of these myths finally busted, hopefully we’ll finally be able to sleep at night (and day, naps are important) without these life-altering questions running through our heads.