Ohio State Sorority Recruitment As Told By Brutus Dying Inside

author-pic at Ohio State University  

Spring semester has unfortunately begun, which means it’s that time of year again: recruitment time. For all you geeds out there, that means over 1,300 women are anxiously preparing to traipse around 15th Avenue while wearing stilettos in subzero weather in hopes of finding their ~forever home~. What better way to understand what two grueling weeks of girl flirting and judgmental side eyes looks like than by a little visual aid from everyone’s favorite expressional poisonous nut: Brutus.

Hearing the term “snappy casual” for the first time and wondering what you’re getting yourself into:


Snappy… but… casual…??????


That moment when everyone shows up for the snappy casual round in prom dresses meanwhile you’re wearing jeans:


You’re fucking me.


Realizing you look like a wet dog walking into every round (thanks Ohio) but don’t have time to do anything about it:


It’s fine. I’m fine. Kim Kardashian had wet hair on that one red carpet.

When you realize you have lipstick on your teeth as you’re leaving a top tier house:


Smiling like part of my tooth is missing!!!

When the girl you’re talking to asks you to tell your life story just as you take a bite of food:


* Tries to chew faster * I’m really into working out. * Chokes on food *

When your 10-inch heels turn out to be a bad idea in the middle of January:


Oh yeah, I forgot I’m not comfortable being an Amazonian woman.

When you look in the mirror and realize the brows you drew on are two shades darker than they should be:


Fifty shades darker, baby!!!

Thinking about how the girl recruiting you is a 12 and you’re maybe a solid 4 on a good day:


Literally the ugly girl swimsuit meme walking.

Getting a bid from your last choice chapter but trying to keep a positive attitude:




A lot can go wrong during recruitment, but it usually works out for the best, so always remember to fake it ‘til you make it and keep a smile on your face. If Brutus could keep that stupid look plastered to his face while the Bucks got their shit wrecked in the Fiesta Bowl, anything is possible, and you too can survive the living hell that is formal recruitment.