Following an “image and likeness” lawsuit from former All-American and generally-loved Columbusite Chris Spielman against Ohio State earlier this week, the university is backtracking supersizing an image of Spielman’s face and plastering it on the 50-yard line at the Shoe for home games this season.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time [to create a giant Fathead of his face],” said Ohio State Athletic Director, Gene Smith, at a press conference on Friday. “Chris is a beautiful man who doesn’t look a day over 50, and it’s a shame we won’t be able to put his tender and handsome face on our football field this season.”
On Sunday, Spielman filed a lawsuit against the school, alleging that the university has not paid former athletes for using their image and likeness for a car advertisement hung in Ohio Stadium last year.
The lawsuit has has “completely and utterly fucked up” a plan that would have plastered a 10×10-yard headshot of Spielman’s face on midfield’s Block O, a university official said.
When asked why such a proposal had reached final stages, the university official, who asked to remain anonymous because of the stupidity of the situation, said the school was pursuing a Spielman-tatted football field because, “no one had sued us not to do it.”
“We had originally planned to unveil the Spielman-studded field at our first home game against Oklahoma this year,” the official said. “Spielman was going to walk out onto the field and we’d pull out a sheet under his feet reveal his face—Chris is known to cry giddily at surprises like this—but then he decided to sue us.”
When asked if he had any comment for Spielman, the official said, “This was all done as a big ol’ surprise for you, Chris, as well as to ruthlessly monetize the physical and mental sacrifice you and your teammates have given to this program, and you ruined it by suing us. Thanks, Chris.”
As a result of the lawsuit, the university has decided to put several other image and likeness projects on the backburner, including a Cardale Jones-backed tutoring center and using Jim Tressel’s image on a tattoo-removal product called “Signed and Regret.”