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You Just Bought Your OSU Football Ticket Package. How Much Sweet, Sweet Profit Will You Make Off Your Fellow Buckeye?

While 98% of us Buckeyes buy our OSU football ticket packages for actually going to the games (or attempting to make it there after block), the rest of our financially-savvy Buckeyes will buy the ticket package just to flip them for a profit. You’re correct if this sounds malevolent and greedy, but it’s also clever as fuck. How much should you con your fellow Buckeye out of a fair price for a ticket? Read through our helpful guide to find out.

7.) Oregon State — $60: 
You can really upcharge the value of the actual ticket because people will just be desperate to get to the first game at this point. If some people do question you when you’re doing your haggling, just play it up on the point that it’s “OSU vs. OSU” and how fucking cute of an Instagram caption that will be. If they’re still not biting the bait, drop it down to $50 and offer to throw in a complimentary Shitty K since they’re underage.

6.) Rutgers — $80: 
Surprised by the ticket value? You shouldn’t be. The key here is to seek out friends/acquaintances/strangers of New Jerseyans who have parents who want to go this game. Apparently, the cost of living is higher over there, so of course they’ll be willing to pay the higher price!

5.) Tulane — $10, or beg them to take it for free if it comes down to it:
This doesn’t even sound like a real school, let alone a school that has a football team, so you may have to take a loss on this one. The experienced salesman will be able to sell it at $37, $1 more than the base price. To do this, it will have to take some extra convincing. Either the weather will be have to be extremely nice so they can show off their new bleached/ripped up/destroyed “vintage” OSU shirt that only has 20% of its threads left, or they’ll need opportunity to get fucked up for a longer amount of time. Yay!

4.) Indiana — $85: 
The start of the Big Ten games, and a crucial turning point in your black market sales career. This will probably be the game where the most amount of “my BFF from high school who goes to Indiana wants to come to a game!!” will be used. Pro tip: Be on the lookout for lost BuckIDs to sell/rent out as well, because people will be desperate to get their wannabe Buckeyes in. Suckers.

3.) Minnesota — $20:
Beware: This is the same weekend as fall break, and everyone will be fleeing Columbus to go home to their respective Ohio suburbs. It’s easier to just take a loss on this one, but if you want to be crafty, target the out-of-state kids who will be staying on campus and will have nothing else to do but go to a game all by themselves.

2.) Nebraska — $100:
Nebraska is Big Ten + it’s the home game before the Michigan game = sky-high price. It’s a November game, though, so sell this one early so people don’t baby out the day of when it’s a little chilly.

1.) Michigan — First-Born Child, or Full Tuition + Fees:
Sell this one early, and sell it for no less than the cost of an actual human ($129,000). Or, to make it more relevant to you, the full cost of your tuition and room and board. For that, it’s a bargain.

If you’re strategic enough, you may just be able to make a profit on your tickets. You may lose the respect of all your fellow Buckeyes along the way, but hey, that’s business.

 

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