It’s that point in the year when your dorm bathroom has gotten so gross you almost feel dirtier after coming out of the bathroom. Months of hair, grime from Bull’s, and pubes have accumulated to form a nice ring of black mold around the bottom of every shower on campus that somehow is always neglected to be cleaned. Instead of doing the manly thing and snitching on your cleaning man, here are some of the best ways The Black Sheep has found to forget that you’re cleaning off in a shithole.
4.) Turn off the lights:
If you can’t see anything, you can’t know what your surroundings look like. In order to transport yourself (mentally) to a more perfect shower, try showering in the dark. Sure, if you’re afraid of the dark and small places, you might not be able to tolerate a pitch black shower. But, it’ll be worth it when you can’t see that small remnant of puke Becky left on the wall from last weekend. Bonus: you won’t be able to see what Scott Traditions has done to your body.
3.) Light a candle for some “light” aromatherapy:
Sure, this technically isn’t allowed in a residence hall. But the grotesque state of the bathroom also isn’t allowed either. In this situation, two wrongs definitely make a right. Let the sweet smells of whatever Yankee Candle your aunt gave you for Christmas this year transport you to a world where you don’t have to wade through dozens of hairballs to shampoo your hair.
2.) Upgrade your shower shoes:
Arguably the worst part about a dorm shower is the fact that you have to wear shoes while showering. It seems pretty counterproductive, if you ask us. Instead of slipping on the same, tired flip flops, try something on a little fancier. Those heels you bought for that date party you thought you would get asked to but never did, for example. Or that fancy pair of dress shoes you usually reserve for funerals. Dress for the shower you want, not the shower you have.
1.) Try using some bath salts:
Although you’re definitely using a bath and not a shower, bath salts could still make your shower experience much more tranquil and much less reminiscent of a toilet bowl. Rather than buying some expensive salts from some random Etsy store, go to the closest dining hall, snag a salt shaker or some salt packets, and lay those bad boys down. Boom! Instant bath salt.
Next time you’re about to brave the disgusting faucet your RA has the audacity to call a shower, try one of these tried and true methods out. It’ll almost feel like you’re in a spa—or at least, in a shower that isn’t at risk of giving you an almost sure case of athlete’s foot.
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