BREAKING: Brent Busher, a third-year in business did not get the prestigious Samsung business internship he applied for—says he has everyone else to blame, besides himself.
“At first I thought, ‘maybe my parents didn’t teach me how to properly construct a convincing resume’ but I don’t think that was it,” Busher said. “In actuality, it should have been my high school teachers’ responsibility to do so and, clearly, they fell short.”
Despite the total failure by his teachers, Busher said his self-taught resume was spotless, ruling resume building out as reason for not getting the job.
“But then I started thinking, my resume was perfect,” Busher said. “I am the president of the Burrito Club here on campus, chapter president of my frat epsilon epsilon kappa, go to Fisher but make time to go to the RPAC two times a day and I even participated in, shit, what the fuck is that called again the for the kids thing uhh BUCKEYETHON, that’s it.”
While Busher said he has not had any prior work experience, including that of anything business related, his lack of experience is, also, not his fault.
“I never worked before, but that’s only because my parents are generous and could always pay for me,” Busher said. “I thought, since we’re in this time period where jobs are sparse, I should leave jobs for people who need them. Sure, I could get any job that I want, but if I don’t need one, why would I take one from someone else?”
Busher said for this particular job, however, he felt like he would benefit the company best by applying, sharing his expertise with the company.
“I didn’t even apply for me,” Busher said. “I applied because the company NEEDS someone like me to help them advance. I wouldn’t have even applied if their “requirements” didn’t practically beg me to do so.”
Busher said when he got to the interviewing process, it was the Fisher College of Business that screwed him over.
“That damn college doesn’t teach you anything about what it means to work in the real world,” Busher said. “In no way was it ever made clear to wear a suit and tie. Ever. Fuckin bastards.”
Although the interview itself was phenomenal, which Busher accredits to himself for his boyish smile and cute northern charm, he said it would have gone better had Plaza not purposefully savotaged him the night before.
“They ruined me with those long islands after I told them about my interview,” Busher said. “It was really like they wanted me to fail, quite honestly. Like, why target me to be hungover into the next 2 days if I straight up told you that I had important shit going on?”
Busher says he is now accepting donations on a “Go-Fund Me” page to compensate for everyone elses failure to get him a job. He said he especially encourages those who contributed to him not getting the job to donate.
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