Back to school means two things: your liver is about to take a huge hit and a shit ton of freshmen are about to lose their virginity. But just because you’re back and better than ever (hopefully), it doesn’t mean you should stoop down to snatch some freshman D. Before you go out this syllabus week, talk yourself down from getting sloppy with some freshman boy with one of these quotes by powerful women.
5.) “Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace.” – Amelia Earhart
Show how courageous you are by doing the almost impossible: denying your drunk and horny self some below-than-average sex. The peace of mind you’ll get from not having an 18-year-old stalker is significantly better than any pipe he might lay. To be fair, it’s very possible that Amelia Earhart never drank a 4 Loko and/or went to anywhere quite like Bullwinkles, so she never knew just how courageous you have to be to turn down sex.
4.) “Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” – Helen Keller
To put this into context, the suffering Ms. Keller was referencing was sex—or lack thereof. Her blindness and deafness had absolutely zero to do with it. It was simply about her lack of boning. Helen would not want you to try and alleviate said suffering by shacking in Morrill Tower. You must overcome through denial of the D. Sounds a bit roundabout, but trust the system.
3.) “A very important thing is not to make up your mind that you are any one thing.” – Gertrude Stein
Know your worth, baby! You’re more than just a predator on the hunt for some man. You’re (probably) a strong, accomplished woman who don’t need no freshman boy! You are anything and everything you want to be, and trust us, you do not want to be someone who’s got an 18 year-old boy’s virginity hanging over their head.
2.) “Luck? I don’t know anything about luck. I’ve never banked on it, and I’m afraid of people who do.” – Lucille Ball
You shouldn’t bank on luck either. You would be completely banking on luck if you’re assuming that some kid’s first time would be anything less than horrible. Work hard and land a seasoned pro at boning instead of a rookie.
1.) “I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.” – Madonna
Hell yeah you are! This pretty much says it all. You know what you want, and what you want is some good sex. Go out and get yourself some, girl! We want boys with body counts in the upper 100s only!
While you’re checking out how good you look before leaving your house this weekend, make sure to remember these quotes. Don’t let yourself give in to temptation by getting what’s easy. Wait until at least second semester before sleeping with a freshman—he’ll hopefully know a few things by then.
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