Earlier this week, a first-year student, Sarah Daniels, bought all of the goods at Ohio State C-Stores in order to “properly stress eat.” Daniels said, at the very least, 13 pints of Ben and Jerry’s were a necessity for her to prepare to fail O Chem.
“I woke up on Monday and got so stressed out about all the exams I have next week and the projects I have due that I immediately headed over to the C-Store on Neil Avenue to buy some chocolate,” Daniels said. “I got there and panicked because I couldn’t decide between Kit Kats or Reese’s. Then I got really overwhelmed and just told the cashier I wanted to buy everything.”
Daniels said this led to her visiting the other two C-Stores on campus and demanding that the cashiers let her buy everything at those stores, as well. At first, the employees were shocked, but later obliged Daniels’ wishes and sent her away with over 50 of those small paper bags that don’t really hold anything other than overpriced gum and Advil.
Lily Anderson, Daniels’ roommate, said she helped her friend carry all of her groceries home but that Daniels “still won’t fucking give me a bag of popcorn.” The tension between the roommates continues to escalate with each passing day.
“Sarah is literally taking up the entire fridge with her stupid food, not to mention on what she says is ‘her half’ of the floor, and my desk! How am I supposed to study for my finals like that?” Anderson said as she queued up Netflix on her laptop. “She literally just bought all this food to be funny and there’s no way she’s going to finish all of it before break, but she still isn’t sharing!”
Daniels addressed Anderson’s hostility in a statement: “Lily wouldn’t let me borrow her sparkly body suit last Friday night, so I’m not letting her eat any of my food. She should learn to share and not be greedy.”
Anderson isn’t the only student upset with Daniels’ stunt.
“Literally the only thing worse than the clock tower is that bitch who bought all the frozen Jimmy Dean’s breakfast’s from the C-Store,” Jenny Hawkins, a second-year student, said. “I live off that shit.”
Another angry student, Michael Baker, said that Daniels “ruined” his plans to use the rest of his meal plan on snacks at the C-Store.
“Yeah, I have like 289 swipes and $1,899 dining dollars left on my meal plan for the semester,” Baker said, holding a take-out bag from Panda Express in his left hand. “I planned on spending the rest of it at the C-Store, but that one girl beat me to it. Guess all my swipes will have to go to waste. Oh well.”
Not everybody is angry at Daniels, however. Employees of the C-Stores are thrilled because they no longer have to work for the rest of the semester.
“I heard about that Sarah chick, dude,” said Chad Chancellor, an employee at the North Campus C-Store. “She saved my life. If I had to ring up one more $12 bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, I was going to fucking lose it.”
Purchasing all of these snacks was not cheap. Daniels is now on a payment plan with the university where she must set aside three swipes each week until she graduates in 2021 to compensate for her extensive purchases.
She is also not allowed to set foot in a C-Store again to avoid the chance of another chaotic situation.
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