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OSU Student Receives Third Degree Burns on the Oval

 

Just this past Monday, misfortune fell upon one of our dear Oval sunbathers. A young Buckeye suffered from a life-threatening injury. 

Unfortunately, due to lack of sleep and an excess amount of alcohol, Veronica fell asleep for a little over five hours laying on a beach towel on the Oval, and suffered from severe sunburns. The doctors claim that she’s lucky to have fallen asleep on her stomach, or else the nasty blisters would’ve most likely covered and scarred her face for years.

 

“She was invited to her boyfriend’s fraternity formal this weekend, and wanted the perfect tan to compliment her dress,” her roommate, Claire Evers, told The Black Sheep. “Veronica has been sunbathing every day for about two weeks now, even when the sun wasn’t out.”

Her boyfriend, Chad Brody, volunteered to talk to us about the incident. “Yeah, dude, it really sucks that my girl can’t go to formal this weekend. She would’ve looked totally hot!”

 

Brody, however, is not staying home and letting his girlfriend’s injuries stop him from drinking mimosas while wearing a robe (he’s super original). “I’m bringing one of her smokin’ hot sorority sisters,” Brody said. “I’ll let Veronica know some time soon, maybe. I don’t know.”

Though Hutchinson is still recovering, she gave was able to explain some of the events leading up to her trip to the hospital.

“My new bikini from Victoria’s Secret had just come in the mail, and I was so excited to show it off on the Oval,” Hutchinson claimed. “I laid on my back for about twenty minutes before I switched. I needed to make sure the tan was perfectly even!”

She went on to tell us that she had spent the night before celebrating Easter with her sisters by drinking a lot of wine. “Jesus loved wine,” said Hutchinson.

 

“Before I knew it, it was 4 a.m. and I decided to call it a night since I had an 8 a.m. the next day,” she said. “I take my grades very seriously so wake up, go drunk and turn in my assignments for that class every Friday!”

 

Hutchinson was so devoted to looking her best for formal that she didn’t realize just how tired she was until she switched sunbathing positions, she said. 

 

“Next thing I knew I was on a stretcher being swarmed by students,” she said. “I think they were concerned, but also probably really jealous of my tan lines, abs, beautiful hair and glowing skin.”

At that point, Veronica became hysterical and we were told to leave so that she could calm down and start her emotional healing process. Her roommate told us that Veronica is still trying to come to terms with the fact that she cannot attend to formal, but things should be fine once all of the blisters are gone, and her skin is no longer a gross purple color.

 

Editor’s note: Veronica is now home being cared for, and simultaneously horrifying, her loving parents. She checks Instagram once every three minutes to see who Chad brought in place. She’s the worst and not even that sunburnt. 

 

 

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