10 Election Day Sex Positions to Get Your Mind off Voting and On to Your College Slampiece

author-pic at Ohio University  

This election season, we’ve needed to have a lot more sex to deal with the stress of the political landscape we’re faced with. College students have enough shit to deal with on the daily basis, and now the tension of the presidential race is looming in the back of your mind, splitting your friend groups up between Republicans and Democrats. With the presidential election only a day away, The Black Sheep has compiled some sex positions to ease the tension with your college hookup during this election season.

The Swing Vote:

Think pendulum… Channel the balance. This one works best in places like Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Colorado.

Big Hands:

You might need some extra lube for this freaky-deaky sex position. Maybe perform some real multitasking, honing the exaggerated hand movement we’ve been seeing throughout the election preseason.

The Third Party:

This could be even more complicated than the actual election, but may be a good option for some people. Add some outside perspectives, get creative and maybe get as crazy as Gary Johnson pretending to have a heart attack on live TV.

Fake Smile or Fake Orgasm?:

Is she smiling because you’re doing a good job or because she pities you? Do you even care? Hillary has put on a similar act in bed with Slick Willy, and if she can do it, you can, too.

Democratic Dangle:

Grab hold of a pipe overhead and get to work. Represent blue collar voters and put in some real physical work.

The Nasty Woman:

Clothed female, naked male. Pantsuit in the mix, dominatrix style. Hillary is almost certainly emasculating in the bedroom, and she’s clearly made it far in the political sphere.

Sleep Your Way to the Top:

What is a better way to get into a position of power than to sleep your way there? It’s a win/win situation, unlike what’s going to happen on November 8th.

Grab Her by the Pussy:

A classic. Timeless. Works every time, they just let you do it. The Donald let everyone in on his prized move, we’re sure it would work on that sorority girl at the bar.

FBI Investigation:

The best role plays are the ones where you get relentlessly questioned for 11 hours before sweet relief. Make sure you stay hydrated.

The Final Stretch:

Deep breaths in and out. After all is said and done, not much else can change the course of your sexual turn-out.

College-aged students are the most underrepresented in each election. Do your part, bang it out and go vote. Own that walk of shame. You deserve it.