Halloween is approaching, and things are getting very spooky around Athens, Ohio. You’ve taken your significant other to the haunted house, the pumpkin patch, and a scary movie, but now it’s time to take it to the next to level. Grab your ghoul and hold onto your gourds, because it’s time to get sexually spooky. Here are the five spookiest places near campus to double, double toil and trouble.
The dead do not like to be disrespected. Doing the dirty deed here will guarantee that you and your partner will be haunted for at least the next few months. Tombstones provide surfaces for different spooky positions. This location is perfect for people who have always wanted to do it in front of a crowd, because even if you’re completely alone, the ghosts of the departed will definitely be watching.
4.) On this family’s lawn:
Underneath the giant inflatable ghost is the perfect spot to smash your pumpkins on this family’s lawn. Doing the monster mash here will be super spooky; not only because of the terrifying decorations and inflatables, but because of the possibility that the homeowner will come outside and shoot you with a shotgun. Now that’s next level spooky.
3.) At the Ridges:
The Ridges is one of the eeriest places in Athens. Read up on the abuses and mysteries surrounding the hospital and then break in through the window and lay a blanket down for some supernatural sexy time. Some psych-ward roleplaying is a must. Don’t forget to think about all the lost souls of the patients who died in that very building. There’s also a chance that you’ll get lead poisoning, and that would be extremely spooky.
2.) A fraternity house futon:
More than one bogeyman has splooged on any fraternity house futon. This is a very gruesome and disgusting place to do the nasty, but that means it will be spooky. Try this one out with an actual frat boy to make it even spookier. Insist on being called a “nasty witch” the entire time. Just be sure to protect your crypt with condoms to prevent the fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Do it under the sheets with the lights off for a very spooky experience. You will truly feel the spirit of Halloween in the darkness of your own bedroom. Put on a ghostly seasonal playlist and sport your pumpkin underpants for supreme spookiness. Light a candle to set the mood, and so you can at least try to see where you’re sticking your broomstick.
This Halloween, make sure that your partner knows just how into the holiday spirit you truly are. Don’t just carve pumpkins—make sweet love in a graveyard. Don’t just pick apples—give head on a stranger’s lawn. Don’t just go trick-or-treating—treat your partner to some intercourse…in the dark. Whatever you choose to do this October, stay spooky, my friends.
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