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Beer Officially Safer than Water in Athens, OH


Ohio University informed students and staff Thursday morning that due to a water main break, all university buildings are closed and classes are cancelled. Students across campus woke up to the news, and many are dealing with no running water.


According to the city of Athens, there will be a boil order throughout the city once the break is fixed. The statement, basically, if you really think about it, says that beer is officially safer to drink and more plentiful than water today.


That’s right, that’s pretty much what we’re seeing here!


Ohio University students are known for taking class cancellations as cause for celebration, getting together and consuming substantial amounts of alcohol during days off. In fact, a year ago today, classes were cancelled due to ice and cold temperatures, a day students deemed #FreezeFest.


But today’s water main break presents an even stronger opportunity for festivities.


Jenny Hall-Jones has taken to Twitter to provide updates and information to students all Thursday morning, urging students to avoid doing laundry, among other things. In many places, students are unable to drink water, use the restroom or take a shower.


You can’t bathe or clean your clothes and you don’t have class, so basically, like, if we’re reading between the lines here, there isn’t much else to do besides get together and drink mimosas or something.


Students are also taking to Twitter to rejoice in the class cancellation to promote the hashtag #WaterMainBreakFest.


Twitter user @Gin6er_Sn4ps Tweeted this opportunistic message: “Looks like I’m going to brush my teeth with PBR.”


Another Twitter user, @itseliselove pondered, “What are all the sorority girls going to drink if they can’t have their vodka water?”


There you have it, folks. The day we never thought would come: alcohol is more plentiful than drinkable water. Of course, this really doesn’t change much for a big chunk of the population, who already drink more beer than water, but hey! Now it’s like, an official thing, so.



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