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6 Businesses Worse Than Starbucks That Should Stay Out of Athens

The local world of Athens was rocked recently when it was announced that Starbucks was going to open shop in an empty storefront on Union Street. While undergraduates might be glad they can now get their Frappuccino fix, longtime residents are less than thrilled by a chain moving uptown. As bad as it would be for Starbucks to move into uptown Athens, we’re trying to look on the bright side, and listen–it could be much, much worse. Here are six  business worse than Starbucks that should never been considered for uptown Athens. 

6.) Hard Rock Cafe:

A shitty chain restaurant and tourist trap for suburban families on vacations. The food sucks and the music is dated. Why would students want to go to place like that when they have locally-owned places to eat that also have decent local bands? Sign us not up!  

5.) Used condom store:

Having safe sex is smart for any college student. But second-hand stores are all the rage nowadays, so why not combine the two? Because that is just disgusting! Condoms are intended to be used once and only once. 

4.) Macro-brewery:

Athens is home to three outstanding breweries: Jackie O’s, Little Fish, and Devil’s Kettle. A macro brewery would be the exact opposite. Instead of serving handcrafted small-batch beers, this place would serve nothing but Coors Light and other ‘Dirty 30’ favorites. Nothing local about this kind of place.

3.) Home Depot:

Homeowners get off to home-improvement stores. These places provide weekend warriors the opportunity to waste a whole weekend making multiple trips trying to fix a leaky sink, and no, that isn’t a euphemism. But for a campus made up of dorms and slum rental properties, a miniature Home Depot just would have a hard time staying in business.

2.) Puppy mill:

College students love pets. For many students, they miss their pets more than they miss their parents when they go away to college. For students that want to get a pet while they’re in school, there are lots of good options for getting a pet. A puppy mill shouldn’t be one of them. Look at these poor lil’ guys! They do not look like they’re having a good time in a puppy mill. We don’t need to be saddened by this shit. 

1.) OSU-Athens branch:

This is Bobcat country, not Buckeye country. Keep that cow-college (one of the main focuses at OSU is agriculture, if you didn’t get that) out of our town!


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