The school year at Ohio University is coming to a close. Seasoned Bobcats will head out into their new lives, or maybe just head into a fifth year on the bricks, and use the street smarts they learned in bar crawls to navigate their futures. It’s been another year filled with bad decisions, lots of boozy nights and probably way too much drunk food. The Black Sheep wants to thank graduating seniors and commemorate their time here by compiling a list of advice they decided to give in their final week–while drunk.
Here is a list of seniors and their (maybe???) helpful, intoxicated advice.
“Always have a pizza in your room before you go out drinking. You’re going to want that shit.” — Adam
“Actually graduate. Condoms prevent minivans.” — Bri
“I’m an alcoholic and that’s OK.” — Alyssa
“I don’t have a lot of drunk advice, but I have a lot of wise words about dropping acid.” — Alex
“Tip your bartenders so they won’t hurt you!” — Halley
“Wear a condom, STDs are lurking around every corner.” — Brett
“Never answer your mom drunk. Don’t do it. It’s a bad idea. Also, don’t be silly, wrap your willy.” — Paul
“Never get locked in the Athena. I walked in drunk asking for drinks and got locked in.” — Lyndsey
“No matter how good the loaf of bread looks on the side of the road, don’t pick it up and eat it.” — Hannah
“When you’re drunk at the dorms, don’t walk naked to the bathrooms. As fast as you think you’re walking, you’re not walking that fast. If you do, make sure your door doesn’t close behind you.” — Ethan
“Don’t piss off your bartender or bar staff. If you throw up, go home.” — Kevin
“Drink more. Don’t stop drinking!” — Andrew
“Get a fake ID your freshman year.” — Peter
“Get a fake ID a year ago.” — Brad
“If it feels good, do it.” — Anna
“Don’t do powders, you never know what’s in them. Also, if you get a freshman or sophomore to swipe you in, don’t go to Boyd. It’s healthy and bad, go Shively.” — Thomas
“You only have four years to excusably be an alcoholic.” — Margo
“Floss every night.” — Miles
Thanks seniors for showing us the drunken way in Athens. Cheers to your futures!