Senior hockey player Jake Faiella is best known for playing defense for the Bobcats. But off the ice, his Twitter account reveals the universal truths understood by all tired, achy and flat-out old upperclassmen. We delved deep into his tweets for Faiella’s most #relatable thoughts on being old.
You don’t know old until you get shin splints from playing racquetball.
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) April 28, 2017
Like any Bobcat old enough to know that Red Brick isn’t fun and that dining halls only stopped using trays because people kept stealing them to use as sleds, Faiella has come to rely heavily on caffeine to get through the day.
This whole needing a lot of coffee to get through the day is greeting old pretty quick #DontWannaGrowUp
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) December 15, 2015
At times throughout the last few years, this gave him vision.
I need to start using growlers for coffee instead of beer. #GettingOld
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) August 24, 2016
But at others, he struggled with his dependency.
Started off my morning by pouring coffee grounds directly into my cup… Today should be a blast.
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) April 4, 2017
As a wise, aging person, Faiella has no time for the laziness of young whippersnappers.
Rooster down the road starts crowing at 10 AM, even this generation of animals are getting lazy.
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) May 31, 2017
Especially those who have the audacity to point out just how old he might be.
Kid at my exam: Hey man, no offense but you look really old, like 22… are you in the right class?
Actually I’m 24 bud. #DamnMillennials
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) October 12, 2017
Wearing my Ohio University jacket while at a coffee shop, girl at the register says “oh cool OU I’m going next year, you teach there?”… This is starting to get ridiculous.
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) December 19, 2017
While Faiella may technically still be a college student, he has the hopes and dreams of a much older man.
Can’t wait till I get a Costco membership and officially become an adult.
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) December 29, 2017
Caught myself checking emails while watching house hunters and drinking my 4th cup of coffee… Get me back to school. #WhatsMyAgeAgain
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) December 30, 2016
Of course, while it may be more likely that he’s just feeling as grumpy and old as every other senior at OU, Faiella’s tweets suggest the possibility that he might be some sort of time-bending warlock who has freed himself from the mortal construct of time, aging as rapidly as he wants.
I’m 22 yet I feel 55 #FallingApart
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) September 1, 2015
My body is 48 years old #Ouch
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) October 11, 2015
In bed by 9:30… I’ve gone from 23, to 45, all the way to 76. #TooOldForThisShit
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) June 7, 2016
Whichever it is, Jake Faiella seems to be doing alright as he embraces old age.
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) September 20, 2016
And assuming he can hold off senioritis long enough . . .
Finished my exam in 17 minutes. I’m either wicked smart or just don’t care anymore… take your best guess.
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) October 26, 2017
Extremely surprised at how calm I feel right now even though I am very unprepared for 1 of my exams today. #OlderIGetLessICare
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) October 27, 2016
School is fine, everything is fine pic.twitter.com/AcMYV7Veem
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) April 18, 2017
. . . he has big plans for his future as an elderly Ohio grad.
I see myself becoming that old guy who sits on his porch all day drinking PBR’s, throwin rocks at kids who step on my lawn. #TeachingLessons
— jake faiella (@jf_OU17) June 22, 2016
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