How to Throw the Perfect Mill Street Party
Do you live on Mill Street? Do you want to throw a banger this weekend? The Black Sheep is here to help and break down how to throw the perfect Mill Street party with few tips to keep in mind when hosting a large social gathering of your peers.
First off, always keep your guests hydrated. This is a party, so we recommend getting some liquids of the alcohol variation. Feel free to get a keg, or a make a big bowl of jungle juice, anything that will get the good vibes flowing. Don’t be one of those people who throws a big party and then tells everyone to BYOB, because you can SIUYB (stick it up your butt).
Freshman standing in the front lawn:
Now this is pivotal for the scenery of the party, it gives your party character. You will need about 30-40 freshmen who just showed up to Mill Street with absolutely no plan. Have them take a couple laps up and down the street and then have them just settle at yours because they have no better options. But remember they are freshmen, so they can’t make it past your front yard. Also don’t give them any alcohol, you have to keep them looking desperate and nervous, it adds to the “college-esque atmosphere” of the party.
One alpha male to stand on your porch:
Every Mill Street party needs a “bouncer,” AKA a douchebag who doesn’t have anything better to do because he probably isn’t going to getting laid and most of his friends don’t really like him. A guy that just hangs arounds because everyone’s too scared to tell him to “F*ck off.” However, in this situation this douchebag is useful, because he will put his douchebaggery towards telling freshmen and others not welcomed, to get out. Also get him very drunk, because then he will most likely get in a fight with someone, which is free entertainment.
Beside the alcohol, music is one of the most important aspect of a partay. Get some big speakers, place them on your porch where they can project. Then either you, or a trusted friend can take over DJ duties. As for the kind of music, just play the classic party songs because even though “Hey Ya,” “Come on Eileen,” and “Wasn’t Me” gets played at every party, people still act as if it’s the first time they have ever heard the song. Don’t ask us why, there has to be some kind of scientific explanation.
The PoPo, Five-O, Feds, Horse Cops:
This might seem like a weird one, but hear us out. It is almost like a stamp of legitimacy. A great party has to end with “The Man” trying to put you down. If the men in blue come to shut down your get-together, then that means it was getting out of hand, and that’s just old people talk for fun. If your party isn’t rowdy enough and you still want your party to seem like it’s cool, feel free to call the police and get them to come and “shut it down” for you, we bet they’d be glad to.
There you go, now you know how to throw the perfect Mill Street party. And for the non-Mill Street residents, if you’re feeling a tad bit risky, you can use this checklist for your party as well. Good luck throwing your next banger, and may the force be with you.