Nordstrom Announces Sweaty T-Shirt Line To Complement Dirty Jeans

author-pic at Ohio University  

Nordstrom’s $425 Barracuda Straight Leg Jeans have caused quite a stir on the Internet, with people questioning the purpose of paying hundreds of dollars for a few mud stains. Despite the criticism, the company has shown no signs of stopping sales. In fact, Nordstrom has even revealed plans for a “sweat-soaked” t-shirt line, aimed at consumers who want more squalor in their life.

“We’re utilizing the latest technology for our new t-shirts,” a Nordstrom representative announced to the press yesterday. “They’ll have permanent armpit sweat stains and a sweat puddle on the back that grows and shrinks depending on the time of day. Wear this t-shirt with our mud-caked jeans and you can show everyone that you’re the rugged, outdoorsy type — and you don’t even have to go outside!”

Although Nordstrom has not set a price for these sweaty t-shirts, loyal customers are already prepared to make the purchase. “I can wear it to the gym,” said April Poe, an investment banker. “Then I’ll look like I’m working so much harder than everyone else! That’s what exercise is all about.”

“The gross aesthetic, or gross-thetic, is so in right now,” explained high school student Daniel Felan. “How else am I gonna capture that look? Do actual manual labor? That’s actually disgusting.”

Of course, as with the jeans, there are vocal critics of Nordstrom’s sweaty shirts. “I’m already going to sweat during the summer,” argued Jean Brown, a Denny’s waitress. “Why would I want more of that? I might as well go swimming at that point.”

“It blows my mind that people spend money this way,” Jonathan Park, a college student, said. “Like, help me pay for my tuition fees if you’ve got that much cash to blow.”

And, some people are even ready to capitalize on this trend. “I have tons of sweat-stained shirts,” Joe Verde, a stay-at-home dad, said. “I have shirts stained with barbecue sauce and blood, too. I’m going to start my own clothing line!”