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Victory! Bag of Oranges Elected Ohio University Student Senate President

In an unprecedented turn of events, a bag of oranges was elected the 2018-2019 Student Senate president Tuesday evening.

Despite running unopposed in the undergraduate election with the lowest turnout in several years, Bridge presidential candidate Maddie Sloat came in second place.

“I hope that the bag of oranges will be a successful candidate for all Americans,” Sloat said in her concession speech on Tuesday night. “This is not the outcome we wanted or we worked so hard for, and I’m sorry we did not win this election for the values we share and the vision we hold for our university.”

Sloat received 190 of the 673 total undergraduate votes cast, while the remaining ballots consisted of write-in votes for the now-victorious bag of oranges.

“I wrote in the bag of oranges as a joke,” sophomore Ray Frampton said. “I just thought of a random object and wrote it in. I thought it would be funny. I had no idea almost 500 people would have the exact same idea. I’m so sorry.”

Many other students who voted for the eight-pound bag of navel oranges—which retailed for $5.99 (before tax) at Kroger on East State Street before its election—confirmed that there was no organized plan to overturn the election, and they had simply all coincidentally had exactly the same idea between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m. on Tuesday.

The bag of oranges, incapable of thought or speech, declined comment.

Despite the presidential upset, the remainder of the unopposed Bridge ticket was victorious, with Hannah Burke and Lydia Ramlo being elected vice president and treasurer, respectively.

“Of course I would’ve liked to see Maddie win, but I’m looking forward to what the bag of oranges and I can accomplish by working alongside one another next year,” Burke said. “Sometimes you work with your friends, and sometimes you work with non-sentient bags of produce. That’s just politics.”

University administration is still in deliberation over whether or not the bag of oranges will actually be permitted to take office, as it is neither an Ohio University student nor capable of thought or speech. 

 

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