OU Professor Gives Fewer F*cks Than Students

author-pic at Ohio University  

An Ohio University professor was spotted celebrating an ordinary Wednesday chugging liquor pitchers last night. Subsequently, he cancelled class for today. He’s known as the professor who gives fewer fucks than his students.

Roger Jenkins is a finance professor at OU. He has been tenured for over five years and is sure to let his students know that. His RateMyProfessor review reads like confessions in a bathroom stall.

“Jenkins is such a badass. I learned nothing in his class, but I got to party with him!” one anonymous user wrote.

“Jenkins might as well teach drinking instead of finance. I swear to god I’ve spotted him at The Crystal,” another student confessed.

Jenkins takes his reputation seriously, viewing it as a type of challenge to see how little of a fuck he can possibly give in a semester. Toward finals week, he routinely outdoes himself—night, after night, after night.

On Wednesday afternoon, Jenkins was spotted toting a case of Budweiser around College Green, occasionally stopping to smash two cans over his head in a Stone Cold Steve Austin fashion and pouring the frothy beer down his gullet.

When chased by OUPD (and several irate squirrels), Jenkins chanted, “OU OH YEAH!” before sprinting down Court Street, tossing out beer cans to adoring fans.

Jenkins stopped by Red Brick for an Irish Trashcan and Pigskin for a Black Widow as part of his “warm up,” as he calls it. Then, he trotted across the street to Pawpurrs for two hearty liquor pitchers.

“I get rum ‘n’ Cokes in these bad boys! Plus, I bring my own jumbo straws!” he yelled overtop the blaring music. “And I wear an eyepatch because only pirates drink rum! ARRRGH!”

After several rounds of double fisting pitchers and spilling them mostly on the ground, Jenkins posed for some pictures with current students, forcing them to buy him shots or “fail the class, twerps!”

Jenkins concluded his night out by puking in a recycling bin on Court Street and stopping by Souvlakis for some cheese balls. Then O’Betty’s for a hot dog. Then Uptown Grill for a chicken and waffle sandwich.

Around 4 a.m., Jenkins sent out an email to his Thursday class that read:

“Deer class

I will nit be in claas today. I am to sick to work please read ch 13 for tuessays class

Jenky”

Elated students decided to celebrate cancelled class in the only way they know how: drinking.

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