With 2016 behind us, we here at The Black Sheep would like to have a fresh start. Between a dead gorilla, and a phone without a headphone jack, nothing can top the perilous year that was 2016. So with that, let’s keep our heads held high, and hope for the best. We present to you: The Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions for Ohio University.
5.) Actually Walk Up Jeff Hill Instead of Using the Elevator in Glidden:
We know you’re all guilty of this. You’re walking from your dorm to class and you come face to face with the beast that is Jeff Hill. Do you face said beast head on? Or do you flee from the fight? You’ve trained for months for this one moment. You take your first step: “This isn’t so bad” you tell yourself. You can do this! You’re already halfway there; you’re coughing up blood, but you’re halfway there! Just a few more steps. You can do it! After one more step, you’re finally to the top. You did it! But wait! What are all of these black spots in the corners of your eyes? What’s happening? Suddenly you fall to the ground. That’s too bad! We said you’d make it up the hill, we didn’t account for passing out when you got to the top.
4.) Learn to Brew Your Own Beer:
Let’s face it, you spend far too much money on alcohol. It’s really starting to take a toll on your bank account. Seriously, is that 0 before or after the decimal in your checking account? Who knows? But what we here at The Black Sheep do know, is that OU loves its alcohol. So we’ve got a proposition: why not brew your own? Beer consists of 4 main ingredients: grains, hops, yeast, and water. All of these things can be found at your local dining hall. The process is quite simple actually. Just grab any old mason jar and get to work. You’re going to want to grab lots of bread from any of the three dining halls. Alright, now just jump on the bread to add hops. Put the now stomped on bread into a jar and then add all of those tears you saved from exam week. Shake it all up, and now you’ve got a delic- uhhh “okay” tasting beer.
3.) Have Fewer Existential Crises:
It’s ok to freak out every once in a while. You’re a college student, so are we. We, just like you, have no idea what are future holds. It all can get to be a bit too much at times and we understand that. All that we ask, is that you try to freak out just a little bit less, okay champ? It’s all going to be alright, we promise. You see, the sooner you realize that everyone’s life sucks, the sooner you can feel better about your own. Now that you know this, don’t you feel better?
2.) Stop Chanting “OU Oh Yeah”:
We’ve heard it a million times, everyone has. Please stop. It was fun at first but now it’s really starting to get old. How many times can we walk down Court Street and hear those 3 words? It’s always the same guy too (let’s just say his name is Chad). Laden in Khakis and some sports thing, he’s the life of the party (or at least he likes to think he is). We get it Chad, you like to party, we all do. Now shut the fuck up!
1.) Don’t Die:
Seriously, death is so 2016.