Trying to remember who you left your sock with last night while attempting to high-tail it home? Maintaining anonymity on this shambled walk of shame is essential to your survival as a Cowboy. Not to worry, we’ve created 10 of the best routes on campus to look out for after your next stay at the Slay-Away Inn:
You roll over to see that you have 15 minutes to get to class after waking up in an unfamiliar bed of Kerr-Drummond. No time to go home…it’s time to shamefully walk through the middle of campus to your 9:30 in Morrill. Strictly because your academic attendance means more to you than the opinions of your peers…at least that’s what you tell your parents.
After waking up next to a 2 on the 50-yard-line of Boone Pickens Stadium, you find yourself on an eternal walk of shame toward the edge of the Earth…or at least until you starve. Either way, at least you’ll escape endless ridicule.
Starting your day in the lovely North Commons, you begin your lovely journey back home and think of all the looks you’ll get, as well as how gross your home is compared to where you’re coming from. After much consideration, and judgement of your peers, you turn your shacking ass back to the Commons, because that’s better than the best you’ll ever get.
Lucky you…you get the grand opportunity to experience Prime Place on Elm and trying to figure out why TF anyone would pay to live there. Not long after, you realize what kind of place you’re currently in, then go busting ass out of the building and into the Union so no one could connect you to the murder that probably (definitely) happened there last night.
Ah… the incredible walk through Shacker Row. Although it’s just a tiny stroll through the Greek community, it’s the most shameful. Especially when the actually decent students heading to class see you walking the opposite direction in letters.
Good morning and welcome to Friend Hall. You don’t remember last night, and that’s a good thing, as you’d be thoroughly ashamed of yourself. Don’t worry. Your walk of shame is just a little elongated as you head on down (not unlike last night) for some Granny’s comfort food.
Angry geese and cranky ducks…hello, Theta Pond. Everyone has woken up in an Eno next to someone whom had a bit more pit-hair than you’re comfortable with, but congrats on your first hipster. Now it’s off to the Colvin pool, because only a dangerously high level of chlorine can kill those hipster-level germs.
Murray to Stout is the Holy Grail of walks of shame. It’s not only the shortest walk, but you’d go virtually unnoticed whilst sneaking through the giant shadows of buildings, like some sort of Ghost of Shackers Past.
Wentz, the only place that may be scarier than Prime Place. As a freshman on Welcome Week, you don’t know where the hell you are. It may be time to just start walking. So, you do your best to slowly try to retrace your steps from the night before, allllllll the way back to Booker.
The back lot of Patchin is never a fun place to wake up. You’re still hammered out of your mind from last night and couldn’t walk in a straight line for love or money. You find yourself getting lost in the local neighborhood, but luckily you “know your fuckin’ letters,” so finding your way to your Greek castle is simple…or would be if you weren’t still drunk.
Everyone has had their turn at the rite of passage that’s being a shacker. As embarrassing as it may seem, just remember that they’re just jealous, because you got some strange and they didn’t. So, congratulations, you earned it.