The 7 Types of People You See When You’re Stuck in Stilly for the Summer

author-pic at Oklahoma State  

Those who stay in Stilly during the summer know that the expression “Ghost Town,” doesn’t do it justice. Every May, a good 90 percent of the population leaves for 3 months for a summer of work, travel, and mooching off their parents. There are the select few that choose to stay in Stillwater and each have their own means of dealing with boredom that comes with a college town absent college students. Here are the 7 types of people you will definitely run into if you’re stuck here.

7.) White Trash Townies:
These people might be the most common type to see during the summer, but nothing about them is common! The dress code of townies can range from “probably a parent,” to “dressed like a pirate.” You may find this lot at Georges Stable doing karaoke, drinking 1.25 Bud Lights, singing Journey songs while they wait for their dealers to text them back.

6.) The Poor Souls in Summer Classes:
These students have decided to knock out some credits and to keep away from Mom and Dad’s control. These select few will enjoy a semester of the college experience in a month. They’ll enjoy partying every night until suddenly it’s finals week and they’re taking a fistfull of Adderall to study for a class they hardly paid attention to.

5.) Drunk Frat Dads:
The beginning of summer also means the beginning of rush for fraternities at OSU. During this time you can always see two or three guys from each house out using rush cards to convince a bunch of high school seniors to join their house. The rest of their time is spent doing curls at the Colvin and pounding cheap beer at $5-all-you-can-drink at Willies.

4.) Professors with a Resting Bitch face:
While most students are trying to catch a break from school, professors are actually stuck with shit to do. If learning an entire semester’s worth of knowledge in a month seems a bit ridiculous, teaching an entire semester is bat shit crazy. Student’s aren’t the only one who want the summer off hanging out at the pool. Professors need a break too, especially when they know there’s going to be a review on Rate My Professor about how pissed off they always look.

3.) Way-Too-Giddy Orientation Leaders:
These Cowboys signed up to help lead the freshmen of OSU into their first experience in Stillwater. They spend their time showing off school spirit, talking about how loyal and true they are, and teaching dances that no one ever uses. They have the type of smile you usually see on strippers with rent due.

2.) Freshmen Babies:
Oh, to be that young and full of ignorance. These incoming freshmen look around at everything like a kid in a candy store. Little do they know they’re about to drop tens of thousands of dollars to have the most stressful four years of their life. They are blissfully unaware that three months from now, they’re going to be pulling an Adderall-induced all-nighter to finish a 20-page Comp 1 paper that was due the night before.

1.) The Almost-Well-Dressed Interns:
This is the rarest group you will see in Stillwater. They will be wearing suits and dresses that don’t fit them, carrying their boss’ coffee and/or breakfast, and have a look of absolute hopelessness. These poor bastards have seen the horrors of real working life and discovered that College is a thousand times better. You can find them at the bars after a long day of shredding papers.

Stillwater in the summer is filled with the weirdest groups of people. All you can do is kick back with a cold one and know that you’re no exception.