Finals week at Oklahoma State is a combination of crippling stress, sleep deprivation, and a looming aura of helplessness and panic from North Classroom Building to Old Central. The Black Sheep has taken the liberty of compiling a list of do’s and don’ts to help you get through the week without bouts of panic attacks, night sweats and impulses to drop out and open a leather shop in Arizona.
DO find out when “Addy Maddie” gets a refill on her ‘script and stock up before the supply is devastated. Oddly enough, price doesn’t reflect supply versus demand, so scoop ‘em before the rest of the vultures.
DON’T smoke weed before your final in hopes that having the same state of mind during the exam as you did while studying will improve your recollection. It won’t.
DO sleep at Edmon Low to seamlessly resume the semester-of-material cram-sesh between the forced naps and lapsing brain activity.
DON’T stay up for 3 days straight tweaking on Adderall. Junkie jaw is a common side effect of the University Health Services-prescribed methamphetamine and is abundantly present in a lecture hall near you.
DO take full advantage of meal plans by copping all the cocaine-in-a-can (Red Bull) Twenty Something or Union Express has to offer, along with enough junk food to sustain yourself a week holed up in a recess of Edmon Low.
DON’T stop studying early to “get a good night’s sleep and wake up early to study before the exam.” The cumulative lack of sleep your body’s been depraved of is coming to collect, so good luck awaking from your comatose state and enjoy sleeping through your final.
DO turn the pages of your exam in unison along with the rest of the class, if you’re behind. There’s no better way to make others painfully aware of your preparatory inadequacies than by being a lone page-turner.
DON’T hand in your exam first. Either you made that exam your bitch, or accepted your defeat and threw a Hail Mary. Regardless, your classmates’ glares are sure to be lengthy and full of resentment.
DO make rounds on all of the great amenities OSU has to offer, such as The Swolvin and Strip, while you still can. If finals week has seemingly bested you, savor the many pleasantries in the garden before they’ve become forbidden fruit.
DON’T wait to get a Scantron right before the exam. A disgruntled and very impatient horde of fellow procrastinators is clogging the University Store checkout lane harder than Granny’s Kitchen does arteries.
Anyone with a few semesters under their belt will concur, this week requires great cunning and skill to emerge semi-unscathed by the gauntlet of Cowboy academia. It’s woefully apparent that during dead week you’ll be a deadbeat, so take notes from our do and don’t list for damage control.
You went drinking, now you’re stuck pooping. How’s that going for ya?