The Official Drunk Review Of All Things OSU

author-pic at Oklahoma State  

As students at Oklahoma State, we’re no strangers to the bottle… in fact, some say we’re pretty good friends. The Black Sheep got together with our own flammable friends to give an honest, and heavily intoxicated, review of all things OSU.

The Strip:

Number of Snapchats taken with Stripper Steve: One, tops. Dude’s creepy AF.

Amount of time spent standing in line at Murphy’s: Long enough to realize you should’ve gone to College Bar.

Chances of getting a Curty: If you’ve still got money, you’re getting a Curty.

Grade: B-

 

Edmon Low Library:

Time spent looking for a table: Longer than you studied.

Utilization of free printers: “I totally don’t need to print 30 copies, but f*ck it. Ball out, right?”

Number of books you’ve checked out: Oh yeah, that’s what libraries are for…

Grade: C+

 

The Student Union:

Amount of money you put on Bursar here: Racks on racks on racks.

Time spent in line at Chick-fil-A: Long enough to realize you should’ve gone to Adam’s Market instead.

Number of checkout lanes open in University Store: One, so long as you’re in a hurry to grab a Scantron.

Grade: B

 

University Health Services:

Number of times you left untreated, rather than waiting: You’re probably still sick.

Amount of drinking and smoking you lie about: At least half.

Primary method of payment: Bursar game strong.

Grade: C-

 

Brightspace:

Amount of people who call it D2L: Everyone but Dr. Westbrook.

Number of times it’s f*cked you over: Every close-call submission.

Percentage of quiz questions you Google: <90%

Grade: F

 

The Greek System:

Bags of dicks it sucks being a dry campus: 6 or 9

Number of times Keystone Food Services has wrecked your b-hole: Erryday.

Hours of your life wasted pomping: 690

Grade: B+

 

The Colvin:

Amount of alcohol sweat out in the sauna: Enough to get a buzz going again.

Time spent Snapchatting vs. working out: 60/40

Number of intramural games taken too seriously: Every game.

Grade: A-

 

Cowboy Basketball:

Probability that Underwood is the Gundy of basketball: 100%

Average BAC of students in attendance: .20

Number of students who wish Ford was still coaching: Who TF is Ford?

Grade: A+

 

OSU Overall:

Saltiness towards OU: Mega salty.

Percentage of classes taken at NOC: 25%

Likelihood of being scorned by Preacher Bob: Usually high… Where’s that p***y been?

Grade: Two Pistols Firing

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.