Oklahoma State Student Plans to Bribe Teachers with Bursar Funds
Frank “Frat Boi” Fritz has always had three things in life: money, charm, and terrible grades.
“Bro, I know people who pay teachers for grades, like, all the time, man,” Frank exclaims emphatically to his buddies. “With my deep pockets and good looks there’s no way a teacher could deny this stud a grade bump! May as well try…and if it doesn’t work, I can always just bribe them with my real credit card!”
The OSU Greek plans to bribe his professors with his bursar, for a grade boost, in the weeks approaching finals.
“I’ve got this professor named Mrs. Chapman, for my gender studies class, who totally digs me. I just know I can get her to bump my ‘D’ up to a ‘C’!” Frank exclaimed confidently.
Backed by his parents’ wallet, Frank is prepared to charge his bursar to the limit if it’d mean he’d pass.
“Do you have any idea how many things you can bursar anyway, bro? Like, everything. I’ll buy Mrs. Chapman a damn MacBook Pro, if that’s what she needs to boost my grade. An offer like that, coupled with my good looks and charm? Cat’s practically in the bag, bro,” Frank stated.
Frank’s professor, Dr. Chapman, overheard his plan while the students were doing group work earlier that day.
“This can’t be a serious plan of action,” asserts Professor Chapman. “What kind of imbecile would believe such a stupid tactic would work?”
“Bro, I’ve thought this through and it’s literally foolproof,” Frank noted, “her, like, smarts are no match for mine.”
“Luck is where preparation meets skill, man,” Frank preaches. “And when you add good looks, ingenuity, and a school-sponsored charge card, you get moi. I’m pretty excited to get these grades up…my parents are gonna be sooo proud. But, I’m just trying to keep whippin’ the Bimmer they gave me.”