An OSU Stoner’s Guide To Spring Break In Colorado

author-pic at Oklahoma State  

 

With spring break less than a week away, OSU students have made their plans to get as inebriated as possible at the beach, or head up to Colorado for mountains and trees. To even the most experienced Stilly stoner, a trip to the land of bubonic chronic requires due diligence and skunk-strategy (beyond having mad snacks on deck) to make the most of your trip in ‘Rado.

 

Departure:

Being the true-to-life stoner you are, you’ve got some bud laying around the day you’re set to leave. You’re going to want to blow all that to the dome, No Nug Left Behind style, not only to make an 11-hour drive as pleasant as it can be, but to give your tolerance a final push in preparation against cannabis-comatose. Swing through Cowboy Travel Plaza on the way out to stock up on enough jerky and Sour Patch Kids road provisions to support the metabolism of a local meth-head.

  

Arrival:

When you’ve arrived in the Mile High City of Gold(en Goat), consult WeedMaps for the nearest adult-equivalent of a candy store. The array of offerings may be overwhelming, but keep true to your roots with some Orange Haze, Orange Crush, and Agent Orange. Need a cure for that cotton mouth? Slam an Orange Kush Canna-Cola to get hella high-drated. Utilize the rest of the day as an opportunity to condition your Stillwater lungs to the lack of oxygen associated with high altitude and continuous coughing.

 

Hitting the Slopes:

You may’ve forgetting this is why you actually came to Colorado in the first place, but there’s no reason you can’t ride the gnarly and smoke like Marley. Be sure to fill up some doob-tubes before getting shreddy so you can toke with your Pokes on the ski lift. But, be careful not to get so ripped you forget to hop off. Once atop the mountain, any true Cowboy will affix an OSU flag around their shoulders, proudly displaying their school pride as a beautiful flowing cape. Pair it with a mullet and black Oakleys, and you may just be mistaken for the legend, himself, Gundy.

  

Spring break in Colorado leaves little to be desired by a Stillwater stoner…except maybe a t-break, cannabis legality, consistency, and affordability; and mountains, rather than red dirt…so, actually, a lot. Nevertheless, at least your liver wasn’t raped by alcohol for an entire week in Padre Island.

WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.