OU Releases “Sooner Sickness” On OSU’s Campus
Many students at Oklahoma State have recently come down with the flu. Senior Diana Seas, or Di Seas, for short, has an idea of its origin.
“Some girl just staggered over to me on campus and coughed right in my mouth before falling in some bushes,” says senior Diana Seas. “I shouted, ‘What is this? The Walking Dead?!’ and by that evening I had already shown symptoms… I was bedridden nearly a week.”
Di Seas has hypothesized this super-flu was created by OU, in order to bring Oklahoma State to its knees.
“Haven’t they done enough?” Di Seas asks. “First they beat us at like every game and now they weaponize and transport Sooner Sickness to our campus? What’s next? Making fun of us on social media? Where does it end?”
The superbug is creating issues with students who have faked being sick, and now must actually tell their professors they are really sick.
“Just last week I emailed my professor saying I was sick because, well… I wanted to skip,” Diana reluctantly admits. “I had to email my professor saying I’m sick with the flu, a second time. There’s no way she believed me…”
Professor Sue Perflu, is just one professor losing their students to the “Sooner Sickness.”
“Yeah, I know she was bullshitting the first time,” Professor Perflu told us. “It’s like the boy who cried wolf, only now it’s the dipshit who cried sick.”
Di Seas had no response to her professor, but instead, suddenly claimed she had to leave because she, “Wasn’t feeling good again.”
OSU senior, and biochemistry major, Percy Skripshen, believes he currently leads efforts on curing the sickness. He thinks that basic fifth grade math, and reading books without pictures in it, helped his friend Di Seas recover from “Sooner Sickness” faster.
“Stay indoors, and don’t come in contact with anything red,” Skripshen warns other students. “If traveling back to Texas, make sure to go through Norman and try to sneeze on a couple of students in retaliation.”
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