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“Totally Broke” College Students Manage to Find $400 for Lollapalooza Tickets

With the 2018 Lollapalooza lineup rumored to be headlined by Cardi B, Tyler the Creator, Jack White and Brockhampton, financially-challenged college students across the Midwest are managing to find $400 for tickets.

“Yeah, like, I’m totally broke,” Wisconsin junior Tony Ursur noted, “but like…LOLLA, man! So, I called my mom, and she floated me a loan for tix.”

Other students weren’t fortunate enough to have a parent front the cash for a ticket.

“So broke, brah,” Illinois State sophomore Patrick Neeber claimed, “so very broke, but like, my uncle sold his shares in Groupon at the right time and hit me up on Venmo for a ticket, so I’m gonna roll nuts for 4 days!”

Yet, many other students were forced to spend money out of pocket to see musicians they support.

“My trust fund just sunk under 6 digits,” University of Michigan senior Deborah Olosor complained, “but Cabo for spring break, and Vale over Christmas, and like, I’m not going to AirBnB in Andersonville like some schmuck, and Palmer House jacked their rates! Anyway, I’m broke, but when else am I gonna see Jack White?”

Though 4-day passes will soon sell out, 1-day passes are still available on Lollapallooza’s website. Lollapalooza will be hosted August 2-5 in Grant Park, in Chicago, Illinois.

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