Spring semester is well underway, as well as part two of the deadly dorm disease. This pseudo-flu has swiftly made it through all the freshmen dorms, and no one’s safe. The traditional dorms were the first to go—so many srat queens and frat stars living in such close proximity to each other was a recipe for disaster. It took a little longer for the contemporary dorms, but eventually the sickness and quick death we were all praying for during finals last semester made its way into the air vents. Still safe from this vicious infection? It’s time to buckle up and get your shit together to make sure you stay healthy. Here are five tips to keep you safe the rest of spring semester.
5.) Invest in a mask to ward off germs:
Beware of random coughs and sneezes in your classes. This illness is aggressive, with all of its victims so bitter about their defeat they will stop at nothing to make sure others suffer with them. Stop by student health for a sanitary mask and feel free to decorate it with expletives to scare off the germs. If you see an infected person coming towards you, get that mask on and run!
4.) Lysol spray:
Your dorm is your sanctuary—once you leave it you’re no longer safe. Don’t touch any foreign objects without thorough disinfection. This includes (but is not limited to) railings, elevator buttons, the pencil you borrowed in class, your cup in Rebel Market, and your entire cubicle in J.D. Williams. Just to be safe you should probably spray literally everything you touch, Lysol’s not THAT expensive. Better safe than sorry.
Be careful about your every move. Be on the lookout for potential germ hot spots. Rule #1 about the dining hall – invest in your own silverware. Don’t trust in proper sanitation; sick students mean empty dining halls, which means less hungover and bitchy college students that have to be dealt with.
This may be a difficult decision—and an awkward conversation to have—but if your roommate falls victim to this illness, they have to go. Friendships are important, but your health can’t be compromised. Suggest that they spend the duration of their sickness in a dorm that’s already been breached by germs, possibly Crosby or Martin. They might be pissed at you now, but deep down they know they’d do the same thing to you, so they’ll eventually forgive and forget.
1.) Close Encounters:
Avoid any close encounters and don’t let your guard down. Steer clear of elevators and make the stair cases your best friends. Climbing eight flights up Martin may seem a bit ridiculous, but just think of it as the exercise you should already be doing to replace your winter break bod with something that won’t get shunned when you’re at Destin in a couple weeks.
Follow these steps and you should be safe till this sickness eventually passes. And to those who get stuck sick over spring break? You probably should have followed these steps a little more closely and only have yourself to blame!
WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.