At 1:00 p.m. on February 22, a board of speakers at NASA made a highly anticipated announcement of their new discovery of 7 new exoplanets that just might be the next Earth.
“We have yet to discover anything like this,” said speaker Sara Seager “They may, or may not possibly have just the environment to be inhabitable by humans because of their surface having the chance of being dotted by milkshake lakes.”
Even though the board of speakers weren’t giving even remotely direct answers to any of the questions being asked, they seemed pretty confident in everything they were saying. Especially the viable chance of there being lakes made of milkshake.
“The Three planets with the chance of there being milkshake lakes are notable to researchers at NASA because it would mean a possible chance at new life for humans,” added speaker Nikole Lewis. “A more obese one, but a new life nonetheless.”
When Lewis was questioned further on this she simply replied, “We don’t know for sure, but there is a high possibility that these planets may or may not have them.”
The board also took questions from Twitter from whoever used the hashtag #askNASA. Twitter user @xXxSpaceLover69 asked “Wen will we no mor bout dis” to which astronomer Michael Gillon replied,“We could know by next week, or at least 300 years from now. Either way we will know… Probably.”
Nikole Lewis added to Gillon’s answer by saying, “But it is okay. Regardless of the time, we sort of know that these possible milkshake lakes won’t spoil, or disappear because of there being a chance of space rays.”
The conference went on for some time with each of the speakers expertly avoiding using any direct answers, and using professional crayon renditions of what these new planets might look like on their surface.
The board did reassure the crowd that there wasn’t any possibility of alien life on these planets because according to astronomer Michael Gillon, “That’s F**king stupid.”