5 Ways To Piss Off An Ole Miss Student

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There’s an old saying that goes a little something like this: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”  While that might carry some truth, at the University of Mississippi, there are a few things you can say that will inflict only the harshest pain amongst students.

5.)“Roll Tide”:

These words send shivers up the spines of any member of the Rebel faithful.  It’s an ugly, piercing statement, one that seemingly sucks the soul out of any room in the greater Oxford area.  It doesn’t matter what the context is, because it will always be synonymous with the redneck shithole that is the University of Alabama. As disgusting as it is, there’s only one way to counter it, and that is by starting a loud, extremely aggressive Hotty Toddy chant. Or beating Bama in any given sport, that works too.

4.)   “______ is under construction”:

This one is a fill in the blank, purely because any given building at this place could be under construction at any given time. The amount of construction being done on campus year round is astounding, and quite frankly, a huge pain in the ass. Whether it be the Union, dormitories, or athletic facilities, you’re bound to see equipment and yellow caution tape draped somewhere on your path. Construction sucks.  

3.)“Hail State!”:

Uttering this phrase within the confines of Lafayette County speaks volumes about your character. There’s a certain level of respect and class that we Rebels go around carrying ourselves with, and saying “Hail State!” essentially strips you of it. It leaves you with the same feeling you’d get if someone called you by the name of your younger, worse looking, less cool brother. If you’re from Mississippi State and you’re gonna visit, leave that phrase in Starkville, because you won’t find any fans of it up here.  

2.)“[insert bar here] is closed”:

Again, we have another fill in the blank, because you’d get the same reaction whether it be Frank & Marlee’s or Rooster’s. There are very few student bodies who are as passionate about drinking as Ole Miss is. Our bars are like our families here, we all have a go-to, and we all know how hard it is to see our favorites get closed. While it may provide for some much needed recovery, life in Oxford is significantly harder without dollar pitchers or 50 cent wing nights. Ugh, it’s painful even to think about.  

1.) “There’s an attendance policy”:

Syllabus week gives you a pretty good idea of how hard you’re going to have to work in a given semester. One of the most tell tale signs of this is finding out whether or not you’ll actually have to go to a class. Most instructors and professors require it, or at the very least, come up with some crafty way to force you attend, but there’s a select breed that just doesn’t give a fuck whether or not you show up. It takes nothing but prayer, and reading a few teacher reviews, to hope that you have that breed.  

Like booze before noon? So do these guys…