Spring term hosts many events for UO students, who spend the term drinking, attending festivals, and going to Shasta. However, students still have to keep up in their classes while trying to make the most of the term. If you have the unfortunate luck of having Friday classes or classes with mandatory attendance, then you feel the struggle of trying to rage through the term. But fear not fellow partying Ducks! We feel for you and are with you, therefore we have compiled a list of the best ways to finesse your way out of these snore fest classes.
5.) Loudly Announce that You Were Robbed on Harris St.:
While this actually does happen to some students, this excuse is an easy one to tell your professors, because there’s almost no way they could ask you for proof. Everyone knows the Dirty Eug. is a pretty sketch place anyways. What are they gonna say? “Show me the items that were stolen.” Yeah sure, like you’re gonna go looking for the perpetrator and ask them to help you prove you were robbed.
4.) Say You Got Stuck at a Family Member’s Graduation:
Unlike UO, most other schools including high schools graduate in May instead of June. Tell your professor that you have to head home for the weekend to see your beloved sibling graduate from high school/college. As members of the academic community there’s no way in hell they would deny a student the chance to see someone achieve academic success!
3.) Explain How You Got Food Poisoning From Duck Sushi:
Send an email to your professor saying you had no idea that sketchy Duck Sushi on 13th would cause you to empty your stomach contents for the entire morning. If your professor asks for a pic of the evidence, throw a can of soup in the toilet.
2.) Say You’re “Attending a Family Member’s Funeral”:
This one might make you feel a little guilty for using grandma’s death as an excuse to spend a weekend at Lake Shasta, but the memories (or lack thereof) will all be worth it! To really sell it, tell your professor face to face, and pluck a nose hair to really get the water works flowing. Hopefully they won’t ask you to bring back a pamphlet from the wake. The best part is that grandma’s already dead, she’ll never know!
1.) Tell Them Your Roommate is Hospitalized at Sacred Heart:
We know that freak accidents happen in college all the time. Your roommate might have accidentally sliced her finger open while opening a bottle of tequila, or they might’ve fallen into the street and sprained their ankle while crossing Patterson to get to Dollars at Taylor’s. Tell your professor you were being a responsible adult (and a good roommate), and carried their poor soul to the hospital.
Hopefully your professors aren’t dicks and don’t read too much into your excuses. Be sure to use these to your advantage and have the best spring term of your life!
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