6 College Basketball Terms That Can Be Interpreted as Sexual

author-pic at University of Oregon  

It’s finally time to put away the old pigskin and put some air into those new bouncy balls of yours. The fast-paced, thankfully indoor game is more entertaining to watch both on television and in person. Like college basketball, sex is fast-paced, sweaty, and some no-name asshole from some school you’ve never heard is going to ruin everything. These college basketball terms are as sexy as the game itself.

6.) Buzzer Beater:

Buzzer beaters get you on the SportsCenter Top 10 and instant-temporary fame on 20-second Instagram video. The fame lasts just as long as the sex. You have 10 seconds left with your sexual partner before your roommate breaks through your door after sexiling them for 7 hours. Nervous, you run the play just like you did in practice, with the condom falling off and you shoot your fun stuff in the basket right at the buzzer. That’s some Air Jordan stuff right there.

5.)  Alley-Oop:

This move requires some insane teamwork, but if you can pull it off, the crowd goes wild. This could be a creative way to describe a 3-way or perhaps an Eiffel Tower, if you’re playing college ball in France. The pass and timing are the most important parts of an alley-oop, so it’s important to work on your chemistry. The move allows you to customize your slam dunk into your partner. 360, windmill, or tomahawk, we know you’ll see you at All Star Weekend next year.

4.) Double-Double:

“The best things in life comes in pairs.” It’s a phrase we made up, but perfectly describes how a double-double can be sexy. Sure, in basketball it means getting over 10 of any 2 statistics, but get sexual for a second with us. A double-double in sex would mean you hit it from one side for 10 or so rounds, then get it from the other side another 10 times. You’re the Hakeem Olajuwon of sex!

3.) Bank Shot:

In college basketball, it’s always important to use the backboard when you’re going in for a shot because it increases your chance of making a basket with back support. But sexually, a bank shot is a lot more dangerous. If you and your partner are feeling a little risky, head over to that local bank of yours and get it on in one of the vaults. If the tellers can’t stop a robber, they won’t be able to stop you from performing that bank shot on your partner.

2.) Flop:

In basketball, this move is for those cowards who like to act like they’ve been fouled, but it’s all part of the show. But sexually, a flop sounds as uncomfortable as it does in basketball. It can mean that your partner can say you’re inside them, but really you’re not even close. That’s a flop on their part, and now they’ll be playing with someone else’s balls next game.

1.) 3-Second Violation:

When you’re on offense, you simply can’t stay in the key for 3 seconds or more or else the other team gets the ball. Sex is all about timing and the ability to keep moving. You simply can’t just lay there for 3 seconds or more or else the whistle will blow and the other team will get the ball. Then, your girlfriend breaks up with you and starts playing for the other team. Way to go, bud.

Sex and college basketball just seem to go together. You know, college basketball players get screwed by the university by not getting paid.

You went drinking, now you’re stuck pooping. How’s that going for ya?