We’ve all opened gifts from friends or family and been disappointed or weirded out with their choices, it’s a fact of life. You’ve just got to fake it till you make it when it comes to being excited about those random gifts that you assumed no one actually bought. Here’s a guide to some of the worst University of Oregon gifts on Amazon this year to assist you in avoiding being one of those terrible gift givers this holiday season.
6.) University of Oregon Garter-$29.99:
Because nothing is sexier than reaching under your bride’s wedding dress and being reminded of her alma mater right? What’s more romantic than reminiscing about sweaty football players and frat parties? Garters are an unusual gift and would usually be paired with the obligatory nudge from a grandparent to get hitched. Regardless, if you’re single or about to walk down that aisle this is an extremely awful and awkward gift.
5.) University of Oregon Garden Gnome-$17.95:
The only purpose of this gift would be to ensure that the receiver takes the cake for the worst yard on the block. But sco’ ducks, I guess? This gift will stick out like a sore thumb in any garden or yard and will likely piss off any rival fans in your area. If you plan to show your face at any neighborhood block party ditch the UO garden gnome and maybe opt for some decorative flowers or an expensive car.
4.) Oregon Tree Topper-$29.99:
Nothing like an Oregon themed Christmas tree. For all we know Santa is a Ducks fan! Unfortunately, this over-priced item does not include UO basketball star forward, Kavell Bigby-Williams to place the topper on your tree. Some assembly required, customers who purchased this also enjoyed green and yellow Christmas lights and rubber duck ornaments, classy.
3.) Tailgate Cookbook-$2.95:
First off, cookbooks are never an appreciated gift and secondly, this book can only feasibly consist of one recipe; burnt hot dogs with a side of flat beer. With this book you can start planning ahead and kick the 2017 UO football season off to a great start. This book can be perfectly paired with tacky Oregon beer koozies. Moral of the story; save your $2.95 and buy someone a gift at least semi-worthwhile.
2.) Oregon Football Rosary-$17.99:
After the season we had this year any UO football fans in possession of this rosary have no doubt renounced religion. If you say enough Hail Mary’s maybe it’ll guarantee that Justin Herbert (successfully) wins a few games next season. It already successfully fired Mark Helfrich. For extra prosperity you can request this rosary to be personally blessed by Puddles the Fighting Duck. Also available with NCAA basketball, bowling, and ping pong beads if that tickles your fancy.
1.) Oregon Scented Candle-$19.95:
Bring back memories of your first all nighter with the smell of the Knight Library, taking exams in the Lillis Business Center, or your muddy dorm on a rainy day. This long lasting candle will bring back unforgettable memories of your college days at the University of Oregon. Great gift, recommended to accompany a local Oregon wine box for a classy evening. Sure to bring any UO alumni to tears upon opening.
It’s almost Christmas, so don’t be a Scrooge and buy your family a garden gnome. At least get them some booze instead.