6 Spots Around UO to Have a Quickie

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Honestly, what did the American education systems think was going to happen? Put 20,000 hormonal young adults prone to bad decisions together and they expect us not be humping like bunnies? Unfortunately, not everyone has the patience and self-control to make it back to their own rooms to start ripping each other’s clothes off. Here some places on or near the University of Oregon’s campus to have a quickie if you really just cant wait to get a room.

6.) The Dairy Queen on 13th Bathroom:
You’ve probably stopped here to pee on the way to Max’s, but this bathroom’s sleazy qualities should not only be reserved for drunken Friday and Saturday nights. Get wild in it every day of the goddamn week. Plus, doing it in DQ almost guarantees an after bone meal.

5.) The Crevice:
If you don’t already know, the crevice is a tight space between two walls on 13th next to Dairy Queen. So you can essentially finish the sex you started at DQ and move to the crevice. The condos that share the wall might get a little irritated if you are a little too loud. In fact, they may get so irritated that they pour water on you, but nothing’s kinkier than an extra wet surprise.

4.) Allen Hall Studio:
With two private rooms and a keypad locked door, it’s like the J school specifically made this room just for fucking. This little dungeon makes the perfect atmosphere for a speedy session, as it will be hard not to find a gateway student slaving away by the computers.

3.) Hayward Field:
You may never run or do any kind of sport on historic Hayward field but you can always partake in other cardio exercises. Go under the bleachers for a little high school nostalgia, or be extra risky and take your fuck buddy out to the middle of the field. Maybe this will be a race you’ll actually get to finish.

2.) A Private Library Room:
With finals approaching closer and closer each day, students are definitely in need of a lil’ something to take the edge off. Try and find an open private study room on the third floor and pray to our lord and savior Dillon Brooks that no one has the room reserved.

1.) Dorm Halls Basements:
Ideal for freshmen with weird roommates, but older students can also enjoy the excitement of sweaty laundry room sex. Need help getting in? Just manipulate a freshman by saying you’ll buy up for them and conveniently leave out the fact that you guys are probably the same age.

Sex is good and natural, and as hormonal college students we should take advantage of the many opportunities to get down and dirty while we still can. With all these innovative spots to do it, you have no excuse but to bump uglies with all your Tinder matches.