University of Oregon announced on Tuesday that head football coach, Mark Helfrich, would be fired after four years with the team. Helfrich was relieved when he got the call while already boarding a jet to Jamaica.
“I wasn’t surprised by the news,” Helfrich said in an exclusive interview as he buckled himself into his plane seat. “In fact, I should have booked this trip sooner.”
After a season spent fighting for each win, the Ducks only were able to pull out a 2-7 in their conference. Their losing season left the university with the obvious decision to let Helfrich go. The university ultimately announced his removal from the football program, and alumni and fans have casually shrugged in response.
Helfrich has responded to the news with great concern. “It’s just such a bummer that the news didn’t come out last week. I was hoping to have gotten fired immediately after the OSU game so that I would be able to relax and watch the Gilmore Girls revival on the Jamaican beaches sooner. It was really hard to avoid all of those spoilers!”
Helfrich is not the only one to speak out in response to UO’s announcement. Several University of Oregon football players have been meaning to show their support for Helfrich. Kirk Gellar, third string lineman for the Ducks, gave us the exclusive:
“Yeah, I was in the middle of tweeting ‘Wait I thought u were already fired @Helfrich, but have fun in Jamaica. Get me a keychain XD #football” when my psych 201 professor told me to put my phone away.”
The university has since announced that they wish Mark Helfrich the best in all of his future endeavors, so long as he stays away from their football team.
Yeah, we all have D.A.D.S., just maybe not the kind you were thinking of: