Overwhelmed with stresses piled on during dead week, UO freshman Drew Warden decided to head over to the Knight Library to deal with his problems the only way he knew how, by putting them off to do some crying.
“I’m just so overwhelmed with everything going on in my life right now,” bemoaned Warden. “I have to get through this week and then make plans about what I’m going to do during spring break, this is the worst,” said the afflicted student.
As a result, Warden decided to tackle his problems by reserving a room on the fourth floor of the Knight Library to seclude himself and cry. “I haven’t been here all term,” he admitted. “To be honest, I didn’t even know that there were four floors in this building before yesterday.”
“I’ve been so stressed about my classes,” continued Warden. “I haven’t attended BA 101 in weeks, I have two exams tomorrow, and I have three poli-sci papers due by Sunday as well as an internship application. I don’t know where to start.”
“I’ve already used room reservations to nap before, so I figured this was the logical next step,” claimed Warden. “Nobody really wants to climb the stairs up to the third or fourth floors anyway, so it’s usually pretty vacant up here. I don’t like bothering my roommate so having a room ready to fill with tears at my convenience is really nice, the sound-proofed walls in particular are a nice touch as well,” added Warden.
Other students reportedly disapprove of Warden’s tactics. “His reservation ended half an hour ago. Our study group reserved the room from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m., but none of us want to go in there and tell him to stop crying,” complained a frustrated chemistry student. “We’re trying to prepare ourselves for finals week too, and he’s just in there crying. It’s like why doesn’t he use the time to do work instead?”
Unfazed, Warden stated his intent to continue with his actions. “Look, I may be conflict averse in terms of schoolwork, but at least I don’t bring other people into it,” he said. “I’m sure this is against the library’s rules somewhere, but until some underpaid student employee decides they want to do something, I’m just going to keep doing me.”
Warden has an exam today at 5 p.m., and is still up there sobbing.
Drunk people say the darndest things: