Hirons is the go to place for almost anything every Oregon student could ever need. Going to a theme party? Hirons has a whole costume aisle. Have an itch in an area that scares you? Hirons has a pharmacy. Whatever your needs might be, there’s a good chance you can find it at Hirons. But since we’re students ballin’ on a budget, here are five things you can get at Hirons for under $3.
5.) Toy Handcuffs $2.59:
Feeling kinky? Want to role-play with the guy across your dorm hall, but don’t want to spend a lot of money on your sex life? Look no further. Hirons offers safe AND fun handcuffs at the low price of $2.59. What a steal. No keys needed. Wow, you’re probably wishing you knew about this sooner. Get to Hirons now, ya freak.
4.) Shot Glasses $2.99:
Step up your party game with these fun shot glasses. Imagine this: you go to hangout with your friends and everyone lines up to take a shot, but you have no shot glass. You look dumb. You get exiled. You no longer have friends. You drop out of the UO. You eventually become homeless like that one guy on campus. Don’t let this happen to you. Buy a shot glass today.
3.) Tiny Hands/Tiny Feet 99¢:
It’s hard to explain why these tiny hands and feet are so fun, they just are. You could entertain yourself for hours by putting these on and scaring your roommates. You’re touching things, but you yourself aren’t making direct contact.
2.) Mini Xmas Tins 25¢:
You have to recognize an opportunity when it presents itself to you. Upon first inspection, yeah, these are just pointless tins with mints in them. But when you take a closer look, it kind of looks like drugs in a little baggy. Any entrepreneur would see the opportunity at hand. Buy these mints for 25¢, and then sell them to idiots for profit! You’d be surprised how well this works.
1.) Fart Powder/ Love Potion $1.49:
So it kind of depends on how you’re feeling. You could either clear a room, or have everyone in it fall in love with you. You put these powders in a hot drink and it’s supposed to work its magic. Seems like some Harry Potter type shit. Either way, why not give it a try.
You could spend hours, even days, in Hirons and still not come to a decision about all the things you want to buy. But now that you know at least five things you can actually afford, maybe your next trip won’t take as long.
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